From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank everyone for your support and encouragement on my last post. I feel so loved! And I want to share this little story today for all of you who also have the same struggles and feelings of despondency (thanks for this new word, Bonnie!)
This story starts with a fall.
It happened on a cold Beijing early-spring morning, when the snow on the ground had just barely melted from that winter. My grandfather was out doing his usual daily morning walk around his quaint neighborhood. He loved walking. He never missed a day. His personal motto was: legs not old, body not old (my translation), and sure enough, he remained youthful and in good health.
Like all other mornings, he pulled on his now-tattered army shoes and started his day with a walk. But this particular morning, somewhere along the way, he took a nasty fall. A chill was still in the air and due to being out in it for too long, he developed a high fever and was rushed to the hospital, where he became confused about why and how he got there. After treatment and some tests, the news came out.
The good news: physically he was going to be completely okay. The bad news: he displayed early signs of Alzheimer.
Our whole family was shocked. How could this happen to him? And so suddenly? Growing up, I’ve always remembered my grandfather as the handy-man, jack-of-all-trades kind of guy (it’s also where my mom gets her resourcefulness). He’s always loved tinkering with little gadgets and gizmos, and re-purposing old unusable items and giving them new lives. It seemed inconceivable that he’d ever be anything else but his happy, clever self.
one of my favorite pictures: he always biked us to and from kindergarten on his red tricycle, rain or snow
But sure enough, as some months went by, the signs were all there: frequent forgetfulness, repeating questions, lack of energy…
I last saw my grandpa four years ago when I made a trip to China with my mom and sister. By then, he couldn’t retain any short-term memory anymore. Some days, I took his morning walks with him to make sure he didn’t fall again. During our walks, he would say, “You know why I walk everyday? Because if legs not old, then body not old.”
“That’s right.” I’d reply. “Keep on walking everyday. But just be careful.”
We’d walk on in silence for a few minutes, until it’s broken by “You know why I walk everyday? Because if legs not old…” And so on.
During these years, my grandma was the real hero. From the first day on, it became her personal duty to do everything she could to keep his mind active. She never once gave up. She’s always been a superbly talented artist, and that extends to calligraphy. Everyday, she would make my grandpa practice writing characters. Write, write, write. It kept his days non-idle, his fingers agile, and his mind sharp. It worked. For nearly five years, despite the minor inconveniences of being forgetful, life went on as normal.
Then one day, seemingly overnight, it took a turn for the much much worse. He couldn’t recognize familiar faces anymore, or remember his history, and got violent whenever someone tried to have him eat or use the toilet.
He stopped walking. Stopped talking. And stopped writing. In fact, he didn’t do much at all anymore.
He celebrated a birthday a couple of months ago. Family and friends went over and cake was had, but I don’t think he really comprehended anything.
It now seemed that this once strong, able man has finally been brought down by the fall.
The night I published this post, I went to bed thinking maybe a little blogging break is what I need. Just a tiny one. Until I felt inspired to write again. But in the morning, I got this message from my mom.
“Your grandpa is writing again!”
Is it because my grandma’s efforts have paid off? We’d like to think so! Again, seemingly overnight, he made a turn for the better. And once again, with my grandma’s encouragement, he scribbled out this note for my mother: Happy 2015.
My mom had originally asked me to write something about my grandpa for his birthday. Writing is the best and only gift I can give people these days (and I love the idea of commemorating milestones with words). I had wanted to badly. I had tried, but I couldn’t. The words just didn’t come. But finally today, it is because of his words that I finally found mine. :)
Don’t give up everyone! There will be struggles, there will be setbacks. And maybe it will seem as if it’ll never get better. But keep on practicing, put all your heart into it, and one day, the magic will happen!
Oh, I loved this. I’m so sorry to hear about your grandpa’s health. It reminds me of my own grandpa, really: the memories we have of them from when we were little (my family is from Hong Kong), the walking mantra, and the growing old. My grandpa isn’t getting any younger either, and I’m fearful that because I return home so infrequently, I’ll be one of the first grandchildren he can no longer remember.
I hope your grandpa is doing okay! I’m not due to go to China until April, and I was so sad that already by then, he won’t remember me. But now that he’s better, I hope it stays that way and he’ll still remember by April. That’s the one thing that’s really hard about having family in other countries. You never know how often you can return home, and if it’ll be too late. :(
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather, that’s such a hard thing for a family to go through. I always see the older generation out walking or climbing the stairs to the temple in the morning and its so pragmatic and Chinese. I think writing about him is a lovely way to share your families story
Thanks Rebekah. :) I guess the love for walking and morning exercise is really a cultural thing, huh. I remember in China, there are always older people exercising in the park in the mornings. They’re more active than me! I really should live by that motto too.
That’s the worrying thing about people getting old. One day they are perfectly healthy, the next day a part of their body might just breakdown without notice and change their lives and the lives of their loved ones.
Your grandma is definitely a superhero, it takes great commitment for her to stick around with your grandpa through thick and thin like that. It is really comforting to read. Even more lovely to see that your grandpa is writing again. Hope his condition will continue to improve.
I think a lot about my parents nowadays, they’re both 60-ish, officially old people now. I worry a lot more about when they might be bedridden or leave us and feel guilty about not being at home more. It’s no good to worry, but sometimes you just can’t help it, isn’t it?
Thanks! I really hope it will stay improved. I’m due to visit him in April and I want him to see him healthy. I can’t believe he got good enough that he can write again! :)
Sometimes, I worry about my parents getting old as well. It’s such a sad thought to have that I just want to put it out of my brain. Sigh.
This is such a moving, beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it!
Thanks for reading it Amanda! I’m certainly inspired by the turn of events!
I’m so sorry for your grandpa’s health. Mine is in a similar situation, the beginning of it at least – forgetful, doesn’t remember conversations, irritable when he forgets. He still recognizes people usually, but he also suffered a stroke last summer making it difficult for him to keep moving when it’s so so important. I’m happy your grandpa has taken a turn for the better and yes, grandmas are the best :)
I’m so sorry to hear about yours too! It’s such a hard thing for a family. I hope he’s surrounded by people who love him and who are doing everything they can to make him comfortable and stay active!! xx
what precious moments you write of.
though the journey is hard…
you write it so very tenderly and sincerely…
beautifully told. =)
Thank you Soapie! We all hope that he continues to show improvement!
I just spent some time on your blog. I love the way you write! So beautiful too. :)
i never met my grandfather’s because they died during war and after war.
so cherish the time you have with him. and keep on writing about him and his stories!
even though i don’t know him, reading about his resilience to keep on writing…
and reading about your grandmother’s unconditional love for him – it’s so inspiring. =)
and i wouldn’t have been encouraged by it, had you not taken the time to record it and share it with us. =)
and thank you anna. =)
I’m so terribly sorry to hear that about your grandparents. :'(. It’s such a horrible time in history and I can’t even imagine the horrors that your family must have had.
I will go see my grandparents in April. I’m really looking forward to that. It’s been 5 years now!
And thank you so much for your kind words. I really really appreciate it!