One year ago, I was in the most depressive funk of my life.
Those who have been reading this blog will know that travel was never my dream, but rather D’s. A little over a year ago, about 6 months into our dating career, he said “let’s sell all our stuff and see the world!”…. Or something like that.
And….. my life fell apart. (Okay, being dramatic, but it felt like that at the time.)
I stopped talking to my family because they didn’t support it. I was facing a (rightfully deserved) promotion at work, but I felt overly anxious and guilty about it because I knew I was probably going to quit soon after. I felt pressured to find a way to earn some sort of online income quickly so I can justify quitting my job to travel. To add on to everything, D and I started fighting a lot, and some days, breaking up was a very real possibility.
I didn’t want to break up. I wanted to travel. But I didn’t want to not have a job either. I never felt more lost or confused in my life.
All my life, I was raised with distinct goals. I would graduate with over a 4.0 in high school, get into college on a scholarship, and secure a well paying job even before graduation. After that, I would slowly climb up the ranks at my job, deposit a lifetime of solid 401K contributions, and retire on a fat mountain of money (at least, I hoped it’d be fat).
It didn’t particularly sound like a happy, fulfilling life. But it was what I knew.
But all of that would disappear if I chose the other road. And initially, I saw it as a huge sacrifice. I saw it as sacrificing my company retirement accounts, my relationship with my parents, and my financial security.
The stress of the decision was breaking me and collapsing my carefully constructed world. My worst fear was that I’d quit my job to travel with D, we’d break up while on the road, and I’d be left alone and jobless, when I had sacrificed so much to be with him.
D had different things to say about it. “Travel because YOU want to travel and see the world,” he stressed. “Not because you’re following me.”
I didn’t quite understand then. What did he expect?? I would never have come up with this crazy idea if it weren’t for him!
After a lot of heart-to-hearts, tears, and long chats to anyone who would listen, I was finally on board. We bought plane tickets. I quit my job. And his dreams became our dreams.
During the months leading up to our grand departure date, I strangely felt neither excited nor scared. I attributed it to being too busy with moving/selling stuff/packing (on top of still working 12+ hours days) to pay attention to my real emotions. Really, I probably just didn’t know what to expect. I’ve never experienced living abroad and never not had a job, and I was leaving SoCal with a lot of loose ends that I was afraid will never get tied up.
The next 3 months spent in South America were the most thrilling period of my life. After a brief moment of panic upon arrival, I quickly adapted to our new surroundings and our new lives. I learned to love all the new sights, sounds, and smells. I eagerly took it all in.
But more importantly, during those months, I learned to let go and forgave myself for no longer being on the “correct path” in life. It wasn’t too long before I learned that the freedom travel brings and the experiences reaped have no price tag.
I finally understood what D had said all those months ago – that travel has to be a personal decision. And I finally understood what I want from travel: not only to see famous landmarks and eat new foods (though that part is AWESOME), but more importantly, to live simply and freely and to the fullest.
After South America, we spent a little over a week back in the States before moving onto the next leg of our journeys. During those days, I felt restless, like a caged animal just waiting to be set free. D even described it as like being in purgatory. I filled those days with visits to loved ones and my old favorite restaurants, but as much as I enjoyed it all, there was an itch that couldn’t be scratched. I realized what that was: I had been bitten by the travel bug.
A few days later, it was finally time to board a plane again. This time, as I packed my bag, I was positively bubbling over with excitement. I was finally getting back on the road again, to where I now belong.
As I write this now, 5 months into our travels, I have never felt more comfortable with my decision. It’s hard to believe that I was so scared. If only one year ago, I had the insight I have now, this is what I would have told myself:
(geez… sorry for the really long introduction, guys!)
1. Make up your mind and just go for it.
I spent a lot of months debating whether travel is the correct thing to do. In my heart, I knew that I wanted to more than anything. But initially, I was met with a lot of negativity, which caused me to question whether it would really be worth it. As a result, I wasted a lot of time and energy being sad instead of being productive.
On the other hand, D had a clear vision and got started on working towards it right away. He started streamlining his internet business, selling stuff, fixing up the house for rent, etc. In other words, he was actively working towards happiness, while I was wallowing in sadness.
If only I had chosen happiness then as well, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache. Eventually, I started this blog and bought a plane ticket, thus cementing my decision.
2. You don’t have to have the answers to everything.
My parents asked what I was going to do about money while traveling. How I’m going to earn income. How I’m going to find another job once I’m back. If we’re going to get married. I didn’t have the answers then (which further convinced them that this is the wrong move) and I still don’t have the answers today. But it’s okay.
The only question you need to answer is: what does your heart want? Everything else can be figured out along the way. If you wait to have everything figured out before you take action, you’ll just end up doing a whole lot of nothing.
3. You are not that important. Get over yourself.
Saying I was very anxious about quitting my job would be an understatement. As one of the lead managers, I was somehow convinced that my absence would be putting the already hard project in an even harder situation, and that everyone would hate me for it. It didn’t help that my other lead kept on saying that he was going to step back and have me take over. I was afraid that the fragile project couldn’t handle a change in management.
But guess what? The project didn’t collapse after I left. It survived just fine, even through more than a couple of major changes in management due to my departure. I heard it even finished ahead of time. But the most amazing thing of all is that none of my coworkers hated me for leaving them. In fact, some of them are still my good friends and are some of the most supportive people in my life.
I guess it turned out that I wasn’t that important after all.. :P I’ve never been more relieved to learn that!
4. You can’t change the minds of stubborn, rigid people.
There will be people who don’t approve your decision. They’ll say it’s selfish, it’s risky, it’s stupid, it’s being lazy, whatever.
But understand that these are coming from their own fears. They work hard, and therefore you’re lazy if you don’t work. They are unhappy in their jobs, and therefore you’re selfish if you think you deserve to be happy. They are afraid of not finding another job, and therefore you shouldn’t quit yours. Etc. etc.
There’s nothing that casts doubts and kills the spirit more than negativity. It especially hurts when this is coming from our nearest and dearest. But our lives are not their lives. It’s OK to have different opinions. Let them be and let it go. If need be, separate yourself and continue to live your dreams.
5. Hold on to those worth holding on to.
On the other hand, if you are lucky enough to have the support of those who you love, hold on to them. You’re going to need all the support you can get.
6. You will never, ever regret traveling
Back when I was crying to whoever would listen, one of my older, wiser friends asked me this: “Let’s say you quit your job, go all around the world with D, and he proposes on top of the Eiffel tower… would you regret your decision?” Umm… no, of course not. That’ll be wonderful, actually.
But then he changed the question to: “Let’s say you quit your job, go all around the world with D, and then for whatever reason, it doesn’t work out and you two break up… would you regret your decision then?”
Surprisingly, I hardly hesitated before answering. No, I will never regret it. I can never regret seeing the world with someone who I loved at the time.
All of a sudden, the choice seemed simple.
And now, I have never been more sure. 5 months in, we have barely even seen a fraction of the world. And yet, I know that if for whatever reason, I go back home tomorrow jobless and single, I wouldn’t regret it even for a second. This experience is already priceless.
7. And finally, follow your heart.
Simply put , it’s never going to be wrong. :)
Have you ever struggled with a decision? What would you tell your younger self?
P.S. If you liked this article, please share it. I poured my whole heart into it and would really appreciate it!
This post is part of #SundayTraveler with Pack Me To and others, and don’t forget to support all the other participating blogs (links at the bottom of post)!
We all love really long introductions (or at least I do)…
Too right about point #3. The moment you quit your job, you will be forgotten much sooner than you ever imagined. So it is only right that you forget about all the worries :D
That’s one thing I was reaalllly stressed about, and now I know I didn’t have to worry so much! Everyone is easily replaceable! But I’d like to think that I’m not so easily forgotten, hehe. I still keep in contact with a couple of old coworkers and it makes me happy to know that they care still. :)
I feel like you’re saying this to me a year ago. I struggled so much with my recent decision to pack up and return to my homeland of NZ, after living in the UK for almost 5 years. So many of your points are how I felt – and I’m a solo traveller planning 8 months travel towards returning to NZ. Thank you for sharing, I still need to keep telling myself I don’t need to have the answers for everything and not everything has to be planned, so the coming months should be interesting!
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Ngaire! I really appreciate it. It’s amazing how much we stress over decisions… especially me since I tend to overthink everything and feel like I must have plans, backup plans, and worse-case-scenario plans. But once we actually act, we see that most of the worries were really just in our heads. I hope you have a very exciting coming months ahead!! And I hope everything will turn out to be just fine!
So beautiful, Anna!
It made me realize how incredibly lucky I am not only to have the opportunity to travel, but to have the support of all my friends & family. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to do that in the face of open criticism. I guess I just come from a family who’s as crazy as I am. Haha
It’s so true that you will never regret this either. Even though I’m home (temporarily), completely broke, and trying to push through a major post-travel funk myself, I don’t regret my grand adventure for one second. Not only did I learn so much about myself and the world around me, but I feel confident now that I’m on the right path, something I’ve never felt before.
Thanks for this post, sharing!
Mandie
Thanks so much Mandie! I feel exactly the same way… that the important thing this whole journey has taught me that this is the path I want to be on! I hope you’re handling the post travel funk gracefully and that you’re already planning the next great adventure! I’m really happy for you that your family is supportive. :)
This is an incredibly written and inspiring piece! Thank you for sharing that.
That was the first really heart-felt post I’ve read about “quitting your job to travel the world”
I can’t say that I relate, because I don’t have a job to quit, I just finished my Master’s about a year ago and traveled around for a few months and finished a couple of lousy internships, but now more than anything I want to continue to travel the world and as you said, the money will come later.
Albeit my entire family’s negativity, I’m going to find a way to do it.
Again, thanks for sharing!
Michael
(www.thewanderfulway.com)
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment, Michael! I really appreciate it a lot. I understand how hard it is when your family doesn’t support you. It was really heartbreaking to make the decision to stop talking to them, but I knew that it was just making me miserable, and I needed to make the decision for myself. I hope you find a way to live out your dreams and won’t let any negativity get in your way! There’s a great travel blogging community who does support you! :)
Hi Anna
What a beautifully written post. Thank you for sharing this with us. It isn’t easy to discuss the ‘behind the scenes’ stuff that exposes our struggles, fears and vulnerabilities. Most people look at you and just deem you are ‘lucky’ not realizing what goes into engineering a life like this and totally removing yourself from the
conventional path that has been well-worn and is what you are expected to do and want. It is really hard when you don’t feel the support of family…I know what that is like all too well.
Every single point resonated with me, particularly the point about not being able to change other people’s minds. Many people have a very deeply ingrained idea of what life is supposed to be like, and when you don’t fit the mold, it can be challenging. Living your life the way you have challenges some very deeply held beliefs people hold, beliefs that have probably prompted them to live their life in a way they actually didn’t want to but thought they were supposed to or that was ‘right.’ Seeing someone defy that, and being happy…that can bring up a lot of stuff.
You are a great writer!
Thanks so much Kelli! That’s such a huge compliment coming from you, especially since I love your blog and the articles!
It’s so true that a lot of people just think that people who do what we do are “so lucky.” While I really really appreciate my life and never take it for granted, it does bother me because like you said, they don’t know what went into it. It really would have been easier to just continue living my old life, making my parents proud, and having no conflicts. I’m interested to know how you deal with the criticism of your family.
Hey Anna
As far as dealing my family goes, there are a few key things that seem to help.
1. Remembering that I am not truly hurting anyone with my actions. It is easy to forget this sometimes, and feel like we are being ‘selfish’ or doing the ‘wrong’ thing if other people are upset by our choices. One of my big issues is feeling guilt because my father died several years ago and I know my mother would rather have me in NJ. I worry about her and do feel guilty sometimes, but ultimately, I know that I can’t not live my life and stay there just to make her happy when ultimately, no one can ever make anyone else happy. My being there might make her feel better, but she can’t make her happiness contingent upon that.
2. Remembering other people’s reactions are all about them. My sister has made some comments here and there about my life–I suspect on some level she thinks I am avoiding ‘real life’ and am living in some sort of fantasy. Ultimately, I think she’s just jealous. Not of my life specifically because she doesn’t seem to have any interest in traveling, but the idea of have just decided to do ‘my thing’ without regard to what other people think of me.
3.Obviously, this stuff still gets to me sometimes…our families have a strong pull over us. But, I have learned an important lesson that I can’t hold them responsible for how I react to them, no matter what it is they say or do.
I could go on and on about this topic..if you ever want to discuss, feel free to email me and we can talk about it.
Thanks so much for taking the time to reply again, Kelli!!
I love your point about remembering that you’re not hurting anyone. It is hard to wrap your mind around this, because I feel like that I am making others upset. But it’s true that they’re the ones choosing to be upset about it, because really, these decisions are not affecting them. I’m so sorry about your father (I did read that on your blog before), and I certainly understand how your mom may feel… but it’s true that we can’t live our lives for others!
Thanks for the support, and I have your email on hand! :)
I LOVE this post Anna! Amazing points- I love #3 ;)
Thanks Hannah!! Haha… #3 is sad, but so true!! But I really did care about the project, so I was happy to be easily replaced and everything operate on as normal. :D
What a wonderful and inspirational post. I totally understand the itch to go and now my kids have it. We are home for a couple days before they start asking where are we going next. We live once, let’s make it as fun as possible!
Thank you Amanda! It’s so true that we should live our lives to the fullest, since we only get one!! I’m so glad that I understand that now. It sounds like that you’re raising a couple of young travelers!! :)
Awesome post Anna! I think I need to follow your advice. #1 is one I always struggle with when I want to make a change in my life. I’m a planner and I like know whats ahead of me and going on perpetual travel mode is kind of terrifying. I think that is what is holding me back the most about quitting my job and going abroad again. It’s cause I can’t make up my mind and just do it. That first step is always the hardest.
I struggled a lot with making up my mind too. I knew it’s what I wanted to do, but I still had a lot of internal debate over whether it’s really the right thing (mainly due to criticism I received). So I wasted a lot of months not taking action… like not selling my stuff, not looking for another home for the bunnies, etc. I think once you just decide that’s what you want to do, you start to work towards it and don’t allow any more room for debate. And criticism or doubt won’t get to you as much either. The first step is always a matter of the mind!
Wow, it was so interesting to read about how you started on this journey. I was in relationship where I was the D in that situation (wanted to leave & travel) but my long-time partner wasn’t ready to give up his career even though it was something he was interested in… but I guess not interested enough. He chose the career, and that decision became the first rift in what eventually led to us parting ways. It was interesting to hear this internal debate from a different perspective and to hear how hard the decision was, but of course I am glad you chose something you were happy with in the end. As you said, nobody ever regretted a little travel :)
Thanks for reading Cynthia!
I’m sorry to hear about it not working out with your then partner. Two people really do need to share this common dream of freedom + travel above career in order to make it work. But I’m so happy for you that you still went to live the life you want, and are in great relationship now!!
Bravo to you for putting all this out there and in such a well written way. When my hubby was offered a job that would move us from Texas to Malaysia, I was really, really against it. I was in such a depressive funk that I gained 10 lbs in 1 month from stress eating. I like how you stated that “travel has to be a personal decision.” I was finally able to convince myself to move when I realized that I couldn’t move just to support him. That was a recipe for blaming everything that went wrong on him. I also had to realize that I had to do it for myself. (me, me, me) in order for it to be something that I could embrace. We ended up staying in Malaysia for 3 years, and I’m so incredibly happy that I put all those doubts aside, took the chance, and did it. Wishing you many more months of travels and a good “landing” when you return.
Thanks so much Michele! It sounds like you were just there with me! I completely understand how hard it is to let go of your old, comfortable life and go into the unknown. At first, when I was upset, I blamed a lot of stuff on my bf… I blamed him for falling out with my parents and just generally, for me being depressed. Obviously, that didn’t do any good for our relationship, and why he told me that travel needs to be MY choice or else I will blame everything on him and we WILL break up. I did want to travel so I put my doubts aside. Now, I can’t believe I even had any to begin with! I think if we all just take a chance, we will be giving ourselves the chance to be happier than we ever thought possible!
I love this post!!! I’m on the verge of moving to New Zealand (less than 4 weeks to go – eek!!) and I’m on that stage of wrapping up loose ends here, trying to get something in place over there, and then getting down to the business of what to pack… it’s lot a manage! But, as you say, I will never regret it. And it may just turn out to be the most wonderful thing I’ve ever done for myself. And I do have the full support of my family, which is amazing. Cheers to you for doing what you did – very inspiring story for all us!! :)
Thanks so much Amy!! Wow! A move to New Zealand sounds so exciting (I’m dying to visit it), and I’m SO happy for you that you have your family’s support! It’s so true that you will never regret traveling… now, I seriously don’t know why I was so scared to do it. Once you just do it, you find that it’s not scary as at all and most of the worry is just in your mind. I wish you the best of luck in the final 4 weeks before moving (these are the hardest, most stressful times!) and I’ll be looking forward to reading about your NZ adventures!!
Anna- yes, yes, yes! I freakin loved reading this! You and I both know I am ALL about the following your intuition, not giving a crap what anyone things about your decisions, and going full steam ahead toward the scary, unknown, and challenging. It made me so happy to see how far you’ve come on your journey! I can’t wait to see how everything progresses and all of the beautiful things you will continue to learn about yourself as the days, weeks, months progress.
Thanks Becca!! When I think about it, I can’t believe how different my mindset and ideas are from a year ago to now. I can’t even imagine going back to “normal” life again. I’m still learning to not care so much about what others think (because after all, I wish my family did support me), but ultimately, I can’t change anyone’s minds and it’s really not my problem if they choose to feel upset or hurt by my decisions.
This is such a good post. Totally what I needed. I have always been a traveler, and love traveling. Lately I have been nervous and question a lot about places I want to go. Thanks for reminding me what it is all about and to just go.
Thanks so much for reading, EmilyAnne! It means a lot to me. I think we will never regret traveling, no matter where we go! I was so nervous too but now, I honestly don’t even know why I was so scared. It’s like that as soon as I started traveling, all my fears melted away because they were just in my head. I wish you the best of luck on wherever you’re headed!
This is one of the best and most honest posts I have ever read regarding how it feels to make the leap. I have traveled a bit but nothing long term and I am considering a large move from Southern California to the UK. This post really helped to remind me that no matter what happens, even if I run out of money and have to come home, no one could say I didn’t try and I will never regret seeing the world!
Thank you so much for reading Emily (high-five fellow SoCal-er!). :) Exactly, the most important is that we fight for our own happiness! I don’t think you could ever regret trying. Best of luck to you!! :)