D and I almost broke up twice in the past 3 days. No joke.*
(*Ok.. maybe joking a little. Before anyone freaks out, we are now back on track on Operation LoveyDovey.)
It always happens something like this: I make some innocuous remark that D deems to be annoying (for example: are you sure we can eat here? It looks too fancy…). But instead of letting it just quietly blow over, the simple, stupid argument escalates and goes into all the ways in which we aggravate each other, until it seems like that the only solution is to just not be together anymore.
But really, it doesn’t matter so much how it happens, because this is always the culprit: it is really, really damn hot.
Even after a little over 2 years, including the last 4 months of spending almost every minute together, we are still learning new things about each other. There’s nothing like traveling together to uncover any last hidden parts of one’s personality. And one of the newest discoveries is that neither of us handle heat well. D either reverts back a couple of decades in age (at best case scenario), or is a fuse just waiting to blow (at worst). And my blood boils at the slightest sticky-skin-on-sticky-skin contact.
Clearly, we’re probably not the best summer travel buddies.
A combination of a blistering sun, dripping sweat, restless nights, and dehydration = a recipe for disaster. We get snappy with each other and our patience becomes embarrassingly low. A simple statement gets misread and becomes a catalyst for a full-blown fight. Everything is infinitely more annoying.
I’m not deluded enough to think that if the heat does not exist, everything is perfect otherwise. Neither of us are faultless, and I know I have a lot of room for improvement (ahem, my housekeeping skills and general fail at planning). But rather than rationally discussing these problems and finding solutions like civilized adults, we find ourselves hurling insults at each other in the middle of a gorgeous park.
Yep… handling it gracefully like grown-ups.
But once we concede that it’s really the heat doing the talking, we’ve definitely learned some lessons, such as:
- Always stay properly hydrated, or else you can go a little cray-cray.
- Avoid heavy exploring during the hottest peak hours of the day.
- And ummm.. never come back to Europe during summer again?!
I’m sharing this lest anyone ever accuse me of painting couples travel as forever prancing down a rainbow road on glittery unicorns. Because here’s the truth: traveling long-term as a couple is not all sunshine and sprinkles. On any given day, it can be from mildly annoying to downright frustrating. You see sides of each other you never want to see. You exhibit sides of yourself that you never want to show. And occasionally, all the unpleasantries we usually keep bottled up come spilling out the top. There are days we have to actively work hard to get along.
But then there are also days where being together is effortless. Days where we understand each other’s moods and are in sync, knowing that we are together pursuing one dream. Days made even more memorable by truly special moments, whether it be a stunning sunset or a delicious shared meal. And really, all these wonderful moments triumph over the few times we want to shove each other onto incoming traffic.
So… we’re currently working on being better partners. And the crisis has been easily fixed with the purchase of a nice big bottle of ice cold water, and a rest in the shades. But now, this question remains:
How in the world are we going to survive Southeast Asia??
Do you have any tips for traveling during hot weather? What kind of ridiculous fights do you get into when traveling as a couple? (Or are we just crazy?)
I remember when I went to Dubai, we touched in the day and tried exploring the city at 2 or 3PM, we gave up after a grand total of 5 minutes and went back to the hotel to sleep it out. It was 42C (100F-ish) in the day and 28C (70F-ish) at night.
The only advice I can give you on handling SEA is, use lots of sunscreen lotion, and drink lots of water, the sweat can get out of control very quickly.
Omg that sounds MISERABLE! It’s especially bad when there’s humidity involved too, which is why I’m afraid I may not fare well in SEA! But I’m really excited about it so I’m not going to let weather ruin the trip!
Trusting and supporting each other is crucial when travelling! :)
I definitely agree… even through the times you want to kill each other. :)
What a refreshingly honest post. Travelling together really is full-on, especially if you’re on a budget and staying in pokey rooms. Being understanding and a good communicator is usually helpful, though sometimes all rational thoughts go out the window when you’re tired/hot/frustrated!!
Yep, definitely important to be understanding, even if it is just to understand not to add fuel to the fire! :D
Haha this cracked me up. It is just not a vacation without a little tiff. My husband and I always have moments and now we travel with toddlers. Although the stress has increased, so has the fun. Hunger, heat and fear of the unknown always play a role in our psycho moments. Snapping is natural, but as long as you can shake it off and laugh it off over a cocktail, it is all good.
OMG, I applaud couples who travel with toddlers!! You guys are my superheroes, seriously!! Sometimes we wonder… if it ever does happen for us one day, how are we going to deal?! Lol!
I turn into a massive crank when it gets too hot or if I don’t eat. When my boyfriend and I went to Greece in August, it was a disaster in the making. Thankfully we didn’t fight tooooo much. He was amazingly patient bless him. But at the same time, I was trying to think clearly and not let irrational emotions get in the way. Funny enough our biggest argument was over the type of gas to put into a car we had rented in Vancouver a year later. Yes it was in the summer and yes, I was cranky (but if only he trusted me to know what kind of gas cars in North America uses!). At least I had the internet to resolve that little tiff.
Hahaha! It’s so dumb what we fight over. I’m sure it’s funny now! One of our dumbest huge fights is over how much is an appropriate tip in an unfamiliar country. Lol!
I can relate to this – although my boyfriend and I don’t travel together, we live and work together. We are together nearly 24/7. Which is a little tough sometimes. But it works out. And I’m more of an adventurer than him, so while I am starting to plan loads of new adventures (I am finally stepping out to see the world!) I am content in the knowledge that my boyfriend will be content at home playing Skyrim while I enjoy my own company and doing my own thing!
Nice to hear from you again, Rachel! I was wondering where you’ve been. Your site seems to have been down for a long time now :(.
I bet working AND living with your bf must be tough… especially when work can make you stressed. Doing your own thing is important! And yay for going out to see the world!
I’ve not had much luck with my blog, something went corrupted in the database and I lost the heart to start it again. Plus work has been mental so I haven’t had the time :( I do have an idea for another blog though, but its a big time commitment so still deciding!
And it’s not sooo bad – he make’s me cups of tea when I’m stressed, and gives plenty of hugs, and I make him cookies. If I get cranky he laughs at me, which makes me giggle then. Seems to work well :-)
That’s such a bummer to lose all the hard work you put into blogs! If you do start up the new one, I’ll be looking forward to reading it :D. Let me know if you do!!
Hehe I find too that laughter is the best remedy for crankiness and fights.
Tips for travelling in the heat? Just don’t do it. It’s our downfall. Worst travel moments ever: wandering suburban Naples lost in the streets, stuck standing on an Italian train in god knows where. I don’t know why but somehow SE Asia was easier for us – possibly as it was cheaper and we weren’t on such a tight budget, or because we went there first and travel was still new and glam early on, whereas after a few months it was wearing off.
The heat is definitely our downfall too! Normal things become REALLY annoying. We’ve been in SEA for a few months now, and it’s getting a little easier to handle. And it definitely helps that everywhere has AC here (which weirdly, most of Europe did not have AC!)
Haha, I do agree that the novelty of full-travel time wears off after a few months!