There are times in blogging when I wish I didn’t share so much of my personal life. It’s certainly easier to only offer travel tips or restaurant reviews or city guides. But long-time readers will know that while I do write plenty of those on Slightly Astray, those are never my best pieces, and that instead it is the fact that I let you into my life that keeps you coming back.
From the very start, all I wanted to do was to connect with readers and other travelers on a more profound level and offer a completely transparent view into this strange business of long term travel. I’ve shared about hard times with family and talked about feeling of a loss of purpose. Those are not easy to share or admit, but I want to keep an honest reflection of my journey.
Which now brings me to what is the hardest thing I’ve had to share yet on this blog: my recent breakup with D.
Since the very beginning of this blog, D has been a major character (even if you didn’t see his face around here too often). He was the one who nudged us into this whole travel thing (without his dreams, I would surely still be sitting in my cubicle at work, wondering if this is all there is to life). And he was the one I spent the best two years of my life so far exploring and eating all around the world.
Those who have been following for the past some months will know that D and I have spent a large chunk of time apart recently, including the long stint last summer. I guess the more and more time we spent apart, the easier and easier it got until we realized maybe we were happier being on our own.
And so when we finally got together again, it was only to once again say goodbye and part ways. This time for good.
We’ve always been very different and from the beginning, it’s been a source of disagreements, but I still wanted to believe that loving each other will conquer all. But now, it’s come to the point that these differences can no longer be ignored if we want to think about the future. It’s kind of crazy how two people can grow apart despite being together practically every minute of the day.
I guess in our case, travel didn’t bring us closer, and I’m learning that that’s okay. This journey – this giving up life back in the States to wander around the world thing – has always been about pursuing happiness first and foremost, and now in an unexpected turn of events, breaking up is the thing that will allow me to keep on doing that.
So though some days I wake up feeling alone and scared that I will need to figure out life solo now, I’m also looking towards the hazy unknown future with excitement. Because now the possibilities are truly limitless.
it’s the dawn of a new chapter (okay so this is a sunset pic, but whatever)
What this means for me
The short answer: I’m not entirely sure.
In one teary conversation, I’m left standing back at ground zero and the future I have envisioned no longer belongs to me. But I am glad to have gotten this long introduction to travel and I’m grateful for getting some solo experience, because now I know I can take care of myself on the road.
That said, I’m definitely not as financially fluid now so I’m not sure how much actual nomadic traveling I will be doing anymore. However, one thing I am absolutely sure about is that I’m going to try my darn hardest to make it out here. Going home is NOT an option I’m entertaining at the moment.
So for now, I’m staying in Kuala Lumpur until I can figure my next steps. It’s affordable and I’m falling in love with the city. My plan right now is to sustain myself through freelancing work, and after I’ve built up a solid base, I’ll see where my heart takes me. :)
What this means for the blog
For the most part, probably not too much, but unfortunately, I have to start looking at things a little differently.
As much as it pains me to not be putting out regular posts, I know I will have to devote more time to freelancing (as that is what’s going to keep me on the road). I will still try to post on here as often as possible, and I still want to write about my travels (I’m positive there will be more in my future!) and share developments in my life, but I know it won’t be easy.
In any case, I hope no matter what direction I and my blog take, you’ll continue to support me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all for coming along on the journey! x
don’t worry, I am smiling and life is good :)
Oh what! Sorry =(
Thanks Omair! But it’s okay, these things happen. :)
I hope you’re doing alright Anna. Big hugs! x
Thank you Amanda! I’m doing well and just focusing on the future! :)
Thank you for your honesty in this post, Anna. Long-term travel definitely means big things for a relationship, as it definitely is accelerated living. You are put in situations and deal with stress that you almost would never encounter in a more normal living situation in your home country. I am so thankful for it. It meant the end of my last relationship (breaking up while on a “romantic” trip in Iceland definitely wasn’t in the plan) but it accelerated the start of another. I am happy that for you that you are now on the right path for what is coming next in your life :))
Thanks so much for your comment Cynthia! I completely agree that long term travel accelerates a relationship and it is not easy to only have one person to rely on for literally everything. In our case, we realized we can’t be that person for each other. And I’m learning that that’s ok :). I remember reading your story! It’s good to realize sooner or later that the relationship you’re in may not be the right one. I’m so so happy for you that you did find the right one! I know I will too! :)
The honest is what always keeps me coming back to blogs and this post is definitely one of those. Break-ups are tough and scary but you should like you have the right attitude to jump into the new beginnings with a positive mindset. Looking forward to follow along with your next adventures!
Thank you Kaelene! I am definitely trying to keep a positive attitude and focus on the future. I’m excited for what’s to come too. :)
I’m so sorry to hear your news, Anna. Break-ups are never easy, no matter whose decision it is to split. It kinda jolts your whole world, your whole sense of existence, and forces you to re-evaluate everything. I really admire your attitude and positivity and truly wish you all the best, in whatever direction life takes you. It goes without saying that I will stick around and continue to read every post you are able to write :-)
Thank you so much Kiara! I really appreciate it! It’s definitely scary but I really feel much better about everything now. And having a new focus (a plan to keep going) definitely helps! :)
Anna, I’m so sorry to hear this – I know what it feels like to have your whole world turned upside down in an instant. I’ve always loved your blog, and I really sense your strength coming through in this post. It’s great to hear that you’re going to give freelancing a go and try and make it all work solo – best of luck with it and let me know if you need any help with anything. Looking forward to seeing where the next few months lead you – it’s scary, but trust me, over time it becomes incredibly empowering and exciting x
Thank you so much Andrea. You actually inspired me a lot because I know you went through the same thing and then was still determined enough to travel solo and go to the places you want to go. I probably will email you soon and ask you some questions about freelancing! x
Please do :-) I’m itching to get back to SE Asia, so you never know, our paths may cross at some point! x
I really hope so! I still can’t wait to hear about your big plans coming up!
I’m so sorry to hear this Anna! Sending you one massive hug. Best of luck in seeking out freelancing work. I know you’re going to rock it! :)
Thank you Adelina! I really hope it will work out. It’s definitely nice to be focused on something now! :) x
“In one teary conversation, I’m left standing back at ground zero and the future I have envisioned no longer belongs to me.” Aww honey – I totally understand this. Sometimes I think this is the hardest part of ending a relationship; even if you know it’s time for it to end, it’s hard to say goodbye to plans and dreams.
It sounds like you’ve got the right attitude though and I LOVE that you’ve got some big plans for the future. Good luck with your freelancing – I’m so excited to see how things work out of you.
PS: you’re brave sharing this story here. Very proud of you for being so honest :)
Thanks so much for the comment Jennifer! I totally know what you mean. It is sad for me to think about all the plans we had that won’t happen for me anymore, but I also know that I am capable of creating my own future :). I absolutely love your story and it is so inspiring to me. So I know that despite what feels like the scariest thing to happen, I will find my happiness someday too! :)
sending you hugs!
Thank you Tanja! x
Much love, Anna! You are incredibly strong and I have faith that you’ll find ways to land on your feet quicker than you think :)
Thanks so much Manda! I’m already getting some freelancing gigs and hopefully it’ll turn into a substantial long term thing :). Or I’ll figure something else out! x
Sending you the biggest hug ever! I’m sorry to hear about your breakup, Anna. But I’m so so happy to hear that you’re determined to make it out there. I have faith that you’ll find your way, even if it’s not what you originally imagined. If you ever need someone to chat with, I’m here :)
Thank you so much Michelle, that really means a lot to me! It is really scary to no longer have future plans, I’m sure I will figure out what I want to do eventually. :) For now, it’s nice to have a focus with freelancing work. We’ll see if that pans out into something more!
Seriously anytime, Anna :) But I completely understand. It’s nice to have something to work towards to take your mind off things. Hoping for the best!!
Sorry to hear this! Sounds like you have a good plan moving forward, and your determination and motivation is truly inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment Lillian! It’s been nice to have goals and a focus, and who knows, maybe that will evolve into that purpose we’re all searching for. :)
I’m sorry to hear about the breakup, but if you know it’s what’s best for you, then you go Anna! I know those decisions are hard to make, but I’m sure you will change so much for the better as a person, traveler, freelancer, etc. Looking forward to following up with your travels when you are able to post! <3 Also, I know the feeling of an unknown future, and it's crazy but worth it. (cliche) You never know who you will meet, where work will take you…so many unknowns and possibilities at the same time. Good luck in the coming days, weeks & months as you figure things out!
Thank you so much Meredith! Your comment means a lot to me! :) It is scary to not know what your future looks like anymore, but it is exciting at the same time! It is exciting to know that I can go anywhere I want to, and you’re right that I never know who I’ll meet or what possibilities come up. :) I’m sure something good will come up!
OMG I am shocked. Still life goes on and I am happy that you still intend to travel. You are lucky you can revisit your Grandma! I love your Grandma! Anna it is great that you can make money from freelancing, it doesn’t matter how often you post on the blog because we will always be interested in where you are and what life is dealing out to you. Believe in yourself. Life is a journey and you are on the road. All is well. :)
Hehe my grandma really is the best! I do intend to visit her more often now that I can :). I’m not sure how much actual traveling I’ll be doing. I think I will more likely set up a home base and travel occasionally from there. I’ll be nice to settle down somewhere again too :). Thank you so much for all your support and words of encouragement Jan! It really means a lot to me!
I am so sorry to hear about this, but I’m happy to hear that you feel good (as good as can be in times like this), positive about the future and are still thinking about your happiness! I wouldn’t wish for anything else other than your happiness and success in whatever you choose to do! So I wish you lots of luck and some hugs and friendship too!
I’m sure you’ll be able to make it all work! If there’s ever anything I can do, I’m not sure what, but know, I’ll try if I can!
Thank you Kerri! Your support means so much! When I read your comment, I was seriously thinking that I have the best blog friends ever! I’m feeling generally good and positive about things and I’m sure something amazing will come up in the future!
Hi Anna,
What a fascinating journey this thing life is. Super tough in moments, then, easier in others.
I’ve no doubts you and D will be happier on your current respective paths. Because your intuition always knows.
The time spent apart just revealed how you both wanted to proceed; and you smiling in the pic shows all is OK.
Sending light your way :)
Thanks for opening up to us. It’s not easy at times but it shows your confidence in self and your clarity on your path. Bravo!
Signing off from sunny NJ.
Ryan
Blogging From Paradise
Thank you so much for the support Ryan! I appreciate it more than you know! It’s scary to walk down an unknown path, but I am sure too that there will be something amazing in the future and I will be happier. :)
I’m not sure how I managed to miss this but just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear this Anna, but I have every faith that you will turn this into an opportunity for success! The possibilities really are limitless and I look forward to finding out what you get up to :)
Thank you for the support, Rachel! I really appreciate it! I am looking forward to seeing what the future holds for me too :).
Hi Anna – so sorry to hear this. Never an easy thing to go through but it sounds like you have the right attitude, for sure. All the very best and I look forward to seeing your next set of adventures!
Thank you Jessi! I’m sure there will still be a lot of adventures! I am definitely trying to keep a positive outlook and just looking forward to the future! :)
So sorry to hear Anna. You write about difficult things very well, but it sounds like it was probably for the best – or that’s the positive way of looking at it all. I wish you the very best and hope you find something amazing as your next step and I’ll definitely follow along even if you blog less often. xx
Thank you so much Camila. Your support means so much for me! I know this was the right thing to do in the long run, and we will both be happier. :) I know there will be something amazing in my future!
Anna, it’s not easy to stay on the road, to freelance and to blog on your own blog. You are a brave and strong person. No doubt that when one door closes another goes open for you. #TravelTuesday
Thank you so much for your support and the encouraging words! It is not easy so far to freelance, and unfortunately the blog has to take a back seat :(. But I am looking forward to the opportunities in the future!
This is sad, yet positive at the same time. You seem like you have a lot of strength, your wits, and a really, really great attititude. Good luck. We’ll all be cheering you on.
Hi Lydia, thank you so much for the comment and encouragement! It means a lot to me :). All we can do is stay positive and look towards the future! :)
What a very touching post. It can be hard enough to say goodbye to someone and to a chapter of our lives, much less share it with our readers. You’ve beautifully encapsulated the particular way it is both an ending and a beginning, and what it means for your whole travel perspective. It sounds like you moving on from a good place – here’s to what’s coming along with that new dawn…even if it is a sunset pic ;-) .
Hi Jennifer! I’m so so sorry that it took me this long to reply. But thank you so much for your lovely comment. I really appreciate it! It’s been a couple of months now and I’m feeling better than ever. :) x
I have been so far behind with reading blogs Anna (as you can probably see from this late reply) but I really am so sorry to hear that things didn’t work out. I can sense your pain but also your hope for the future and I hope the bad days becomes fewer and further between as time goes on.
Thank you so much Shikha (and I totally know what you mean.. I’m so behind on blogging and blog reading now too). Now that it’s been a while, I’m feeling better and better about it. I know this was for the best and I’ll be a lot happier in the future. :)
I have to apologise Anna because I’d been intending to come back to your blog more regularly but work has had me busy! First of all I’m so sorry to hear that things haven’t worked out with D, and I’m sending you big hugs over the internet! I hope that Kuala Lumpar is treating you well though, and that you’ve got some time and space to relax and figure out what it is and where it is that you want to go. Your blog is one of my favourites and I will (remember) to visit you more often here. Hope you’re OK and take as much time as you need! – Tasha
No worries at all Tasha! I totally know how it goes… when work gets busy, you just have no energy to catch up on blogs. I hope to get back in the swing of things myself soon. Thank you so much for the kind comment… I really appreciate it more than I can say. :) I’m really liking KL so far and it feels really good actually to have somewhere to settle down in for a bit!
I hope it’s still going well for you and that KL is treating you well :)
Oh my… I just went to see your Facebook page to find out where are you traveling at the moment, and saw this post… So sorry to hear that things didn’t go out well, but relieved that you seem to be ok, with ideas and energy for the future. You’re strong and resourceful, I’m sure you’ll find the way to keep traveling :) Send you a big hug Anna!
Thanks so much Laia! I’m sad I won’t be going to Barcelona this summer anymore and won’t get to finally meet you, but I”m sure there will be more opportunities in the future. :) Also, I need to catch up on your blog reading so badly too!
I imagined that you wouldn’t be coming to Barcelona anymore. It’s sad because I’d have loved to meet you too, but I’m sure we’ll have better opportunities in the future. The most important now is that you are fine :)
I’m so sorry Anna. It’s so hard when you grow apart but you did the right thing breaking up rather than staying together because it’s easier then potentially ending up hating each other. I’m so glad to hear you are staying on the road! I am just starting to delve into the freelancing/location independent lifestyle myself!
I know you recently had a break up too, Katie, and are doing even better now. I know I’ll be happier in the future too. :) How is freelancing going for you? It’s tough (and hence why I’m so behind on blog related stuff) but also feels good to be able to go wherever you want!
Anna, I’m so sorry to hear that!! I know I haven’t been around your blog much the last few months, but I’m sure that must be a really tough situation. Facing down the face of uncertainty like that is scary, but it’s also the only way to live adventurously and to grow. xxx I can’t wait to see your next adventures <3 Sending lots of love and support -Sediva Abroad/Sarah Elizabeth
Oh gosh, I’m so so sorry for this inexcusably belated reply, Sarah!!! Thanks so much for your support :). In just these couple of months, I do feel like I’ve grown and have more faith in myself now that I can support myself. :) And no worries at all! I know how it goes to be busy! I took such a long break from anything blog related, but I feel ready to get back to it now!
No problem xxx Haha I definitely get how that goes!! I can’t wait to see what you’ve got in store. I know how you feel. Took me ages to get back into the Internet-blogging world properly and I definitely came back with a totally different perspective and objective! xxx Lots of love and luck!
Aw, Anna, this must have been so hard to write! I know how hard it is to break up publicly. I used to be way more active in the blogging world and had a fairly large following. And at one point I almost moved to the Middle East with my ex-boyfriend who I blogged about constantly. He was a huge part of my blog and my readers knew all about him and our relationship. I blogged about our future plans in Qatar and everything. But, unfortunately, we broke up, and I was a tad MIA from my blog because I didn’t know how to tell anyone. I was embarrassed. I even wrote out a long, heartfelt post explaining the situation (which looked a lot like yours) but in the end, my ex didn’t feel it was appropriate and asked me to not share it and to keep our break-up private. Looking back, I wish I had posted it because you’re right, readers become invested in your life and the more you open up, the more they respect you and want to come back because it shows you’re real and not just blindly posting travel pics or mindless articles. It’s the real emotion we love to read. After my break-up, I never mentioned it on the blog. As a result, I started to lose followers, basically to the point where nobody at all cared to come back. I just didn’t really know what to blog about and decided to skip over that whole chapter of my life and tried to continue blogging as if nothing happened. But obviously a lot happened! I never moved to Qatar, and never spoke of my ex again! Haha, and I’m sure that’s something all of my readers picked up on and were super confused about. So, after that awkward fall-out, I deleted my old blog and decided to start over with my new one. I needed a fresh slate. I’m so glad you decided to share this though, because I think it’s important, and your loyal readers all feel for you and appreciate it. I know you’ll be okay though, you’re such a strong lady! Cheers to the future!
Thank you so much for your comment, Amanda and sharing your story!! I’m really sorry to hear about what happened to your blog, because I know what hard work it is to maintain a bog and grow an audience :(. But I guess it’s not a bad thing either to have a clean slate for a new chapter of your life! I needed some time, but I think I”m ready to (slowly) get back into blogging. Thank you so much for all your support and friendship! I really appreciate it more than I can say!