Recently, I read the book The Namesake
It starts off with the story of two young Indian immigrant parents trying to navigate life in foreign America while still holding onto their Bengali traditions. This becomes troublesome when they give birth to a son and must name him. But they can’t; they’re waiting on a letter from India containing the baby’s chosen name. The letter doesn’t arrive and they’re forced to put a name on the birth certificate. In a panic, they name the baby Gogol, the name of the father’s favorite Russian author, but also a name that holds great significance to him. The rest of the book follows 3 decades in Gogol’s life as he grows up in America, trying to forge his own identity outside of his culture’s influence. He detests his funny name and changes it to something more acceptable (a proper Indian name) before going to college, and in doing so, reinventing himself.
I was surprised at just how much I related to this book. Though not Indian, I too, was a foreigner raised in America. And I, too, was often caught between wanting to fit in while still adhering to my Chinese values.
This also got me thinking about my own name. I was born in China. Anna is not my birth name. I’ve mentioned before that I’m one half of a pair of twins. In China, names are flipped. The last name comes first and first name comes second. Often, you are called by the entire name, or like Gogol’s Indian village, you get a pet name: a beloved unofficial name used only by family and the closest friends.
My parents, wanting one daughter named after each, decided that we would have different last names (one after our dad, and one after our mom), and the same first name. This was okay in China because, like I mentioned, often your entire name is pronounced. And plus, we were given different pet names.
But when we moved to America and enrolled in elementary school, you can imagine that this caused quite a bit of confusion. For now, we had to flip our names.
“So let me get this straight,” the principal said. “Your daughters have the same first name but different last names.”
“That’s right,” my mom confirmed.
“This cannot work. It’s too confusing. They need English names in school.”
So my mom flipped open the dictionary she always carried and landed on two names: Anna and Lena.
Done and done.
In just a split second, my mom had chosen who we would be known as for the rest of our lives.
My dad was furious that he didn’t get a say in this. Had there been time, he would have liked to carefully research and select the perfect English names.
Like Gogol’s parents in the book, my parents tried very hard to keep hold of our Chinese roots in a Western world. My mom made a spread of Chinese dishes very night for dinner. We never ate American dinners. She took it upon herself to give us Chinese lessons every weekend in reading and writing. We kept daily journals written in Chinese. Even if each entry was only a few sentences long, it kept us practicing. Speaking English in the house wasn’t allowed.
But assimilation into the American culture was unavoidable. My mom learned to play Santa for Christmases. Eventually, we started to roast turkey on Thanksgivings with all the traditional American sides. The weekend lessons stopped and dairy entries grew more and more sparse until the notebooks laid forgotten. More and more English words popped up in conversations, because we no longer knew how to express them in Chinese.
And then one day in high school, even our Chinese names disappeared.
We had grown so accustomed to using our English names that we had filled out all official school documents in those names, forgetting that those people do not really exist. By then, the easiest thing to do was to officially change our names. So we went down to the social security office and filled out the forms.
Weeks later, our new social security cards arrived, crisp and stamped and printed with the names that are now so familiar, and yet so strange.
And so it is. Anna. My new forever identity.
Anna means graceful, which I am not. Anna was chosen in haste for no special reason, in order to put down on a school form. Eventually, I learned to like the simple beauty of it, but it’s irrelevant.
I guess I never really pondered the loss of my Chinese identity until reading this book. My Chinese name, Yan, means wise. It’s an archaic and unpopular spelling. And yet, it was chosen carefully by my parents in the hopes that that’s what their daughters would grow into.
And that, I think, is who I want to be.
Wow. What a name story. I can’t believe the school said you needed English names. I have a Korean birth name, which I’ve never used but always known about. My dad just chose my name because he thought I “looked like a Kelly.” His family has some Irish in there from way back when so it’s cool. Ironically, I love most Irish names. But would I have chosen mine? I always dreamed of changing it. When I lived in Korea, that Korean name popped up on my alien registration card. So sometimes, like when I was at the doctor’s or the pharmacy, I had to learn to listen to my Korean name, which I had never actually heard a Korean speak. It was weird.
I’m really curious about what your parents would have picked. I tried showing the most popular English names to my Chinese students, but they mostly went with things from the era of Esther, Mildred, and Eunice.
Side note: It drove (and drives) me crazy that my students in Asia felt that they HAD to choose an English nickname to make it easier on the foreigners. True, some of their names were hard – and undoubtedly I annoyed them with my pronunciation – but that’s how we learn. There are tons of impossible to spell Eastern European surnames around here, and if we can manage those, Chinese names should be easy. Those students had to use my name daily after all – one which isn’t that hard, but is open to odd pronunciation.
I knew you were adopted, but I don’t know at what age you were (I thought maybe from birth?). So I didn’t know you had a Korean birth name! My dad mentioned before that he would have pick something like Jessica, lol. Which I’m glad he didn’t because that’s like the MOST stereotypical Chinese-American name! I think I knew a few Asian Jessicas, haha.
I know my cousin in China had to pick an English name in his English classes. I think maybe it helps the students get more into the mood, and besides it’s fun to have a new name! What I find weird though is that your students would choose such old names!! Mildred and Eunice?! Lol!
I was adopted when I was a couple months old, so my Korean name’s on my adoption papers. It’s kind of cool that I have one that’s actually mine, and not one chosen by the orphanage/adoption agency. Haha, I know a few Asian Jessicas too.
I think they have to pick names when they’re students – though in the case of the Mildreds, Eunices, Mabels, etc, I think one of their teachers “named” them. Which really takes all the fun out of it! And then they just kept using those names in English class. I also had a Traver and a Megam too. . .
You wonder where they are coming up with those weird names…. My cousin in China had to pick an English name in his class, and they got to choose, and he picked Harry Potter, lol.
Love your story! And I love it also when I deeply relate to a book. My name story?? Not all that exciting haha…just named after my uncle :)
Thanks Jamie! I guess it’s a good thing that your uncle had an androgynous name, hehe!
I just finished reading the book this week, and loved it as well. The story about your name is quite fascinating. I can relate to being born to immigrant parents and having to deal with my two cultural identities (one as a Canadian, the other as a Filipino). Growing up I used a nickname in school, but once I was in high school I switched to my official name, Estrella. My name is Spanish (the Philippines was a Spanish colony for 300 years), and Estrella means “star”. Like Gogol, you can tell when someone met me, and how close we, based on whether they call me by my childhood nickname or my official name. Thanks for sharing your story, it certainly got me thinking about the history of my name.
I love your name! It’s so pretty. I knew a Star, but it definitely sounds prettier in Spanish, haha!
And yes! Same with me. Like my family and family friends in China will know our nicknames, but no one in America knows. I’m so glad to hear that you loved the book too. I don’t understand all the negative reviews!
Aww, this is so beautiful :-) Well, my story is a story about compromise. My mom wanted to name me Ana Sofia, because I was born the day of Ana Sofia’s saint (is a custom in mexico to sometimes name their kids after the saint day they were born into). And my dad wanted to name me Maria Isabel like my mom, but she hates her own name. Plus my dad thought that Ana Sofia Munguia would rhyme and therefore people would tease me for it. So they split it, and thus my name is Ana Isabel. Oddly enough, sometimes people confuse me and call me Sofia because they say I have the face of a Sofia lol. And nobody calls me by my full name, is either Anita, Isa, Chabe, Blondie, you name it. But I prefer Isabel above all :-)
Oh that’s so interesting to learn about how some countries name their kids! Either way, both names that you parents wanted for you are beautiful. I’m really liking the classic names now. And props to your dad for thinking in advance whether you’d be teased with a certain name or not!
Loved reading this post, Anna! One of my favorites by you!! :) And I’m named after w character from a soap opera, kind of on a whim. But I’ve always liked my name — it’s always felt like me.
So I just looked up the meaning because of this post and my name means “eternal ruler.” Haha that sounds very Lord of the Rings!!!
Thanks so much Erika!! That means a lot to me! (And can I also say that i miss Erika From America?)
Eternal ruler… that’s awesome!! I never would have thought that Erika meant that!
Such an interesting post, Anna! Thanks for sharing it with us :) I find it so so interesting that names have meanings, and also that names are chosen in different ways in different cultures. One of my uncles is from HK and when he moved to the UK he had to be given an English name and they actually named him and his brother the same name, which ended up in one of them being ‘little’ and one being ‘big’, for their whole lives. He is still know by his English name but some of his siblings chose to be known by their Chinese name.
People often find my name weird as it is a latin name, but neither of my parents are. When people ask my name they always ask where I am from, to which I reply ‘just England’ – my parents just wanted to pick an unusual name and I’ve never met another one. Marcella, with one ‘l’ is actually a popular name in Chile, so people always ask how I can be English with the name Marcella as Chilean people tend to stick to Chilean names and they find it really baffling. Anyway, it’s always a good conversation starter and I like having an unusual name.
That’s so funny that you’re marrying a Chilean! It’s come full circle! I’ve wondered too if you had Latina roots, haha. But that’s really cool that your parents went for a name from another culture!
And just curious, how is one of your uncles from HK? Like, uncle by marriage? Your family is so diverse. :)
I know, it was like fate or something, right? Yes, an uncle through marriage; my auntie’s husband. So I have half Chinese, half British cousins… Who live in the US! Diverse indeed :)
That’s awesome!! D’s family is really diverse like that, and it’s really cool!
Anna, this was such a beautiful post about identity and your name, which often affects each other! I loved reading this. I read half of The Namesake, but don’t remember if I finished it or not. This was when I wasn’t the reader I am today, but I feel like I should go back to revisit it. My parents are from Taiwan, but I’ve never heard that children can take on different last names! Since I was born here, I never really struggled with the name issue that so many of my first-gen friends did. But, my name IS one of the most popular Chinese/Taiwanese first-gen girl names in the 90’s, haha. Also, I never knew you were a twin!
Thanks Michelle! You should re-read it! I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it, but maybe because I could relate so well. I read some negative reviews on the storytelling style and how not much really happened. But I loved just reading about the immigrant experience!
I didn’t know your cultural background is Taiwanese. D is half Taiwanese. We’re headed there in a few days!
Haha, I always think people are too plot-driven. Can’t we appreciate authors who do basically this huge, book-length thought piece on something? I didn’t really know that immigrant experience was becoming such a large genre, but I love it as well. Have you read Americanah? I feel like you would enjoy it :)
Oh my god. I’ve been wanting to head back to Taiwan for a while. Hope you have SO MUCH FUN. Can’t wait to see the photos!!
Ooh okay I will definitely check out Americanah now! Thanks!
We’re really excited for Taiwan to and to eat ALL OF THE FOOD! :D
Well, for one thing, I’m glad your mom picked Anna instead of doing like what most China Chinese do nowadays by translating the Chinese names to English literally. Wise Ge or Wisdom Ge would be… well.. you know… LOL!
I think it’s cool if we try to maintain our Chinese culture, tradition and language proficiency, because diversity is always more beautiful. I can still speak, read and write in Chinese at a pretty good level, but that’s because here in Malaysia, the Chinese language is still a subject that we can take up in school, and we are still a relatively large ethnic group here, so it is easier to get practice. I don’t think you have that in the States, so I imagine it is much more difficult for you.
It is a very strange dilemma that we have here, Chinese who have migrated overseas/born overseas. You want to maintain your roots, but at the same time, you have to wonder, where exactly is your roots? If you are to go back to China now, will you feel at home, or feel like a tourist? If you are more at home being American, then I don’t see anything wrong with being more American than Chinese. Just like I will always see myself as a Malaysian first. At the end of the day, it is not your race that makes you who you are, is it?
Haha if they did the direct translating thing, it still wouldn’t have worked because they gave us the same first name. So we would both be “Wise”. Lol!
Yeah it’s hard to get that practice in the States, so that’s why my mom taught us herself for years. Now I can still speak it and read it to an extent (but not at a high level), but writing is really hard now. :( I should use my time to get better, I suppose. I do feel more like a tourist in China than feeling at home. Beijing changes so much every time I go back! And I suppose I am more used to the American comforts, although now that I’ve been in SEA for a while now, I’m getting used to the Asian way of life again!
Wow. Can I tell you I’ve thought about this concept before but not really thought about it? (does that make sense?). My daughters name is Florence. Which seems somewhat normal to English tongues – but, here in Italy they can barely say it – everyone continually changes it to however they want. Somedays I get sad and think maybe I should have named her Giulia or Laura (very normal names here) – but she is my Florence -even if no one else can say it!
Ooh I wouldn’t think that Italians would have such a hard time saying Florence! And I didn’t know that Laura is a normal name there (I thought it was just a normal American name!). I think it’s good that you gave her a name you love, and not a name just so people can say it!
This is such a beautiful piece, Anna! I have been thinking a lot about names recently too, actually – though more so surnames, and how many women are expected to give up that half of their namesake upon marriage. And even if a woman does keep her surname, it is often further expected that any children will take on the father’s surname anyway. I love that your parents originally chose to hand down both surnames between you and your sister!
Thanks Terri! Sometimes I think about that too, and that my line may just die with this generation! In China, the wife usually doesn’t change her surname, but the children will take after the father. That’s why my parents gave us different ones! I only think about this vaguely since I’m not sure if I will have children even! But still kinda a sad thought…
really interesting! I actually dont think there is much history behind my name, only it was only one of the ones my parents could agree on! I really loved reading your story though.
Thanks so much for reading, Laura! My mom said that our Chinese name was the only one they really liked and could agree on, so they gave both of us that same name!
What a lovely, fascinating post. The idea of losing an identity to integrate further into a new life is both bittersweet and I suppose just a part of life as someone crossing culture. Great post.
Thanks Polly! It is a little bit sad when I think about it. But yeah, it is just the way it is. :/
This was super fun to read Anna! My family is Taiwanese but I was born in the US, and my parents named me Daisy (it’s on my birth cert). My mom said she liked the name “Daisy” because it meant “joy” and “liveliness” to her– and she wished those things for me. Your reflections on becoming Americanized with respect to your name and identity are really beautiful too– my experience growing up as an Asian-American in a predominantly white culture made me feel strongly tied to my Taiwanese heritage and strongly tied to my American upbringing, but not particularly tied to “Asian-Americanness.” There’s a distinctive culture (or cultures) that belongs specifically to first/second gen Asians in the US, and I actually felt a little left out from that. I was able to reconcile my Taiwanese identity because we went to Taiwan so often, but it felt so separated from my experience in the US. Anyway, I’m sure we could both write books about this… but I really enjoyed reading part of your story, and I look forward to reading more! :) xoxo
Also, I see that you are in Boracay!! Photos please!!! :D
I had no idea your background is Taiwanese, Daisy! My bf is half Taiwanese, and we’re going to Taipei in 2 days!! It’ll be my first time and I hear so many good things about it!
That’s so interesting to hear about how you feel as an Asian born in America. It’s so great though that your parents made sure to introduce you to your heritage by visiting Taiwan a lot! That must be so difficult to do for children born in another country. I understand what you mean about it feeling separated. Even when I visit China now (which I don’t do too often, maybe every 4-5 years), I feel like I’m more of a tourist.
Oh my goodness you’re gonna LOVE Taiwan– especially food wise. Let me know if you need recommendations. I’ve eaten SO much food there over the years :)
Okay! I probably will need some must-eat food rec’s!! I’m so excited!! Thanks :D
I’ll send you an email! :)
This is such and interesting story! Thanks for sharing. I had no idea that the Chinese pronounce both names (I think it’s super cool and you and your twin would have the same first name!) and that lots of people get pet names. It’s a little sad that your mom was forced to give you English names on such short notice, but thank goodness you and your sister got normal, pretty names. It definitely could have been a lot worse! My name means “ewe” or female lamb in Hebrew, it’s Biblical, and my parents just thought it was pretty – so yeah, that’s boring, but I don’t hate it.
Wow, I didn’t know Rachel was a biblical name, and I definitely didn’t know it means ewe! Actually I just looked it up, and wiki says it means “to journey as a ewe that is a good traveller”… so maybe it’s fitting after all. ;)
My parents definitely did it backwards by giving us different surnames and the same first time! From what I know, a lot of kids go by a nickname/pet name. Mostly, it’s just a cutesy version of their name, but sometimes, it’s completely different. So my nickname is a cutesy derivative of our first name, and my sister’s is completely random! We still go by those in our family!
Oh wow, that’s a really interesting story. I actually find the idea of having a “western name” very interesting and since I work with quiet a few foreigners we often get talking about names and what not.
I have a Thai friend, but she just translated her name phonetically from Thai to English, instead of having a “western name” but we have another colleague who has just had a son and he has both a Chinese and English name. I always prefer to call people by their “real” name, or by what they would like the most, rather than what the easiest is to say.
Also, I happy to have an explanation about the first and last Chinese names, because I have been so confused by my new colleague. We all called him by his first name and then he began introducing himself as his second name… but since that’s how it’s done, then that makes a lot more sense :)
I like learning things :D
That’s kinda funny that he’s introducing himself by his last name. I don’t think I’ve heard of that before, actually. Maybe because most Chinese last names are NEVER pronounced the correct way, haha.
I think some Asians want an English name when they go to another country, because it’s easier and makes them feel like they can fit in more. But some do prefer to stick with their names. My mom sometimes uses an English name that sounds phonetically similar to her Chinese name, but my dad never wanted one.
Wow, I really enjoyed this post! So interesting how different cultures use names differently, and it’s kind of sad that your mother had to choose new names for you and your sister, dang American school system! Thanks for sharing this bit about your name and life with readers! And that book sounds interesting though, so I might check that out.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment, Mere! I really appreciate it! Haha I can imagine that it would have been REALLY confusing if we continued to use our Chinese names. Twins with the same first name, hehe. And I think it is good that we had English names to fit in more. I really loved the book, even though it had some bad reviews, from people who complained that nothings happens in it or that the author is too “tell, not show”. I hope you enjoy it though. She’s a beautiful writer too!
I LOVED that book Anna – my Dad read it first and he found it so moving, being able to relate to moving from life in India to England. I found it so moving and it really made me think about how my parents must have felt and also I could relate to some of the things Gogol experienced in the book. I had no idea this was how the name Anna came about. It’s so fascinating and interesting how a split second decision can be with you the rest of your life. I think my name means flame and also mountain peak though I’m not sure they chose it for the meaning but rather because they liked the name.
PS – SUCH a cute photo of you and Lena :)
Hehe thanks! I’m the one on the right. :D
I knew you would love it too! So many times while reading it, I wondered if that’s how my parents felt when they moved to the US. I’m definitely going to look into her other works too! I really like your name, and I’m glad that you’re not using an English name!
I love learning something new in general and about the person behind the blog in particular so this was so interesting! And a book recommendation to boot!
I don’t know the story behind my name at all, I should really ask my ma. I haven’t been a fan of it until recently so seems like as good a time as ever!
M x Life Outside London
Thanks so much for stopping by and reading, Michelle! If you get the chance, pick up the book!! It’s one of my favorites I’ve read in a long while. :) I hope there’s a good story to your name, and if so, I’d love it if you come back to share with me!