Whenever we meet new people on the road, inevitably the conversation comes around to how long we’ve been traveling, how long do we plan to do it, and how are we supporting this lifestyle.
For D, this is easy to answer: I own an online business.
For me, I fumble around with variations of “oh, I saved up and quit my job to travel.” I guess even in these fleeting moments with strangers, I don’t want to come across as someone whose boyfriend supports her glamorous lifestyle. I find myself trying to justify it… I was an engineer before. I had a really respectable job. I saved a bunch of money. I do work online now too. I write.
Oh that’s cool. Like for an online magazine?
Errrr no… Just for my blog.
I don’t mention that I don’t actually get paid for it and then I quickly change the subject.
The truth is that D does support our lifestyle. I’ve mentioned it a bit here and there, but I’ve been scared to publicly state this before… as if admitting this would no longer make me an inspiration for those also wanting to live a life of travel. Because what kind of inspiration would I be if I didn’t create this life through my own hard work? Sure, I have savings and I use that to help pay our expenses, but that is finite. D is the one who works hard everyday so that we can be well sheltered and fed, and keep on traveling.
I don’t know how I got so lucky. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve all of this.
And what do I do all day? I eat. I take pictures. I watch TV. I play Candy Crush. I do laundry. I read. And I write, though my folder of many half written drafts prove that I’m horribly unproductive.
And I spend an embarrassing amount of time playing puzzles on the Magic Puzzle app on my iPad (I’m secretly like an 80 year old trapped inside a (late) 20-something body). It’s cathartic. I love the way you start out with a blank canvas, and slowly fill in the pieces, and when the last piece clicks into place, a complete picture emerges.
Not to brag, but I’m good at this. I see shapes, colors, and patterns clearly and easily find where each piece belongs. But I cannot piece together the pieces of my life to form a complete picture – a purpose.
One thing I’ve been struggling with more and more is the lack of purpose. When I started this journey, I felt so alive. I was living a life that most people wish they had. I was happier than I ever thought could be possible. I thought I had unlocked the purpose of life: to live it to the fullest.
But after coming off that initial high, I realized that I don’t live in a fairy tale and real people do things with their lives. Surely, I could be doing more with my life?
At what point is just traveling no longer enough?
The fact that I don’t contribute financially (with income) to our life makes me feel like a useless human being. Back when I had a job, I didn’t particularly like it, but at least I was contributing to society and supporting myself. In my new role as traveler and girlfriend, I’d like to think that I take care of D. But the truth is that he takes care of me.
Some days, I feel like I’m just simply drifting through life, getting dumber and dumber. I don’t live more than a day into the future. I’m no longer sure of what my future plans look like. When you’re no longer required to do things – to work, to put on makeup, to socialize, or hell, even to wake up – you, well, stop doing things. And the less I do, the less I motivated I become.
Don’t get me wrong, I still wake up everyday and can’t believe that this is my life now. This is difficult to write about because I don’t want this to come out as ungrateful. I don’t want it to come across like, “All I do is travel to all these exotic places and I don’t have to work, but I still want to earn money. Poor me!”
I guess really I’m just searching for a greater purpose, whether that involves earning income or not. I would like to believe that I still have value even without a respectable job. And I would like to believe that I still have something to offer the world.
I wish I could now offer up a neat little resolution. But I don’t have one of those today. I’m still searching. But one thing I do know: I may have stumbled into this life, but I don’t ever want to take it for granted. I’m incredibly blessed with freedom, and I will not while it away doing nothing. So I will continue to explore, and learn, and write, and maybe along the way, I’ll pick up the pieces to complete my life.
Oh my gosh, I’m going through this exact feeling right now. I’m living (rent-free) with my partner, who is so crazy supportive that it makes me feel even worse for not being able to contribute.
I try to chip in wherever I can, but our finances are very disproportional, so he pays for almost everything. (I know there are girls who wouldn’t think twice about this, but I just wasn’t cut out to be a gold-digger.)
I think about what my savings looked like before I left to travel, and I could have supported myself for quite awhile. I’m not saying I completely regret selling all my stuff to travel, but…I kind of do.
People’s stories always seem to go, “I quit my job to travel and never looked back,” so you start thinking that travel is the magical answer to life. And yeah, it’s awesome, but it turns out it’s really not the answer to everything.
Like you, I wasn’t happy at my job, but…I’m not that happy now, either. I’m anxious and depressed all the time. I don’t feel like I have a sense of purpose; like I’m contributing to anything bigger than myself.
I question every day whether I made the right decision to go travel. Was it really this life-changing experience worth all the costs, or was it just a self-indulgent fulfillment of something I perceived missing out on in my 20’s?
And then I feel like a freak for even thinking these things, because no one else seems to. You’re so much braver than I am for writing the truth about how you’re feeling in your blog. I just started avoiding mine…
Maybe I should just write what I’m really thinking, and stop caring about who might not like it. :)
It makes me so sad to hear you talk about being depressed, Mandie, because I think you’re awesome. And I really really hope you don’t regret going to travel. I still think what you did is brave (I NEVER would have done something like that if D never had the idea) because you took a risk to find happiness and to get out of your comfort zone. Traveling solo with anxiety can’t be easy, but you did it!!
You’re not a freak! I think travel is definitely not the magical answer to happiness. Not unless you REALLY have a strong case of wanderlust and would give up absolutely everything to travel (which was never my case), or unless you set out with a clear purpose and goals, I guess. And I didn’t.
But I’m happy that you have someone so supportive in your life. I know what you mean about it being hard to let someone else take care of you. I’ve always prided myself on being self-sufficient and have always said that I will never be a housewife (errr… or house-gf). But I think it’s okay to let someone carry you for a while until you figure out what you want to do. :)
I have definitely felt like this from time to time in different situations, but I have to say that once you do set a purpose or goal for your day, week, etc, that’s really all it took. To complete something, to study something, to go somewhere specific for a certain reason. Even with a nomadic lifestyle, I’m sure there are some goals you can brainstorm up and I think that’ll be really helpful!
Even to help others. When I was doing the vagabond, nomadic thing I work-stayed and it gave me a wonderful sense of purpose to complete projects for other people and help them with their goals! Maybe you could schedule some work-stays at some point? I could sing the praises of them for days…… :)
You know, I have been thinking about workaway lately, and even have told D that maybe I just need to travel solo for a bit and go volunteer with a workaway. But then we start talking about destinations and plans, and I want to go to all these places WITH him!!
Setting a small goal for a day/week is a good idea. I used to have weekly blogging goals, and it worked for a while, but now it’s harder and harder for me to meet them (or I’m just less motivated). I think it’s a good idea though to study something! I should keep on learning more and more with all this freedom.
The good part of work-staying is that you and D can both do different sorts of tasks so you don’t see each other sometimes for like 4-5 hours and then you can come together at the end of the day and share your experiences. It was nice to have the alone time but also to spend some time with someone new! I definitely recommend it from time to time in lieu of the typical Airbnb stay.
I’m a big language nerd so just dedicating my time to studying a language makes me really happy and I feel productive/like I’m expanding my mind. Any languages you’ve always wanted to study?
Also I posted at some point about Yoga Glo and this month I’ve been practicing yoga four times/wk… feeling really proud of that, too! And I know you’ve been wanted to get back into it :) Surprisingly there are a lot of things you can do while on the road.
I think you will find some inspiration soon.
I don’t know if D has time to workstay because he spends hours working everyday, like almost a full-time job. And I doubt a place will let us stay with only me working for them, hehe. I am really considering it for myself in the future though.
I was studying Spanish and also practicing yoga everyday, but with feeling less motivated in general, I stopped all that. :/ I know that just exercising 30 min a day will make me a lot happier, and yet I haven’t done it. So I will get back to that, even if I have to force myself in the beginning. :)
Great post. In terms of finances, I was the opposite: I’ve been paying my husband’s way as we’ve traveled, but I absolutely had no problem with that. I’d rather pay double than not have him with me :)
After we began traveling long term, I quickly found that travel wasn’t fulfilling in its own right and I wanted something else. I agree with Cynthia that I found smaller goals were really useful in managing expectations (and taking my mind off of long term goals I didn’t have!).
Awwww!! That’s so sweet! :D I know D doesn’t care toooo much that I’m not making money right now, though he does wish I’m doing something more productive with my time. And I know he doesn’t want to travel without me too.
No longer having any long term goals is a terrible struggle. I have no idea what I want or even what I can do anymore. I like the idea of having small goals too or learning something new! :)
This is the exact wall I faced when I arrived in New Zealand. Yes, I was in a fabulous new country at the start of a fabulous new adventure. Yes, I could have gotten temp jobs, and did, and made enough money to pretty much break even. But it wasn’t enough.
I didn’t want some job that just paid the hostel bill… I wanted to be working towards something. I needed that purpose you mention. I struggled with the same issue when I first arrived back to Florida after Australia. I decided I didn’t want to do interior design anymore, and spent a good year experimenting with graphic design (even got a certificate in it from the local community college) and did an internship with a magazine. That’s what turned me on to writing, but even then it took a year to decide that was the path for me.
Now I’m back in Florida and just about to sign my very first lease in the United States since 2007… and I’m half excited, half in shock. I never thought I’d be hanging up my traveling pants for an apartment in Florida!! But it’s not the traveling that fulfills the gap, or staying at home that fills it either. The same mental state and issues will follow us no matter where we are, or what we are doing. Mine followed me all the way to New Zealand, and sent me back to Florida.
You’re going through a journey of true self-discovery and self-reflection. And you probably would have never been prompted to do so if you hadn’t stepped so far outside your comfort zone. It will all be different this time next year, promise. :) Just keep working at it!!
I was thinking that this is what you must have felt when you left Zealand. You’re brave for realizing it and then going after what really feels right for you! And I can’t believe that you’re now signing a lease on a place in Florida!! I’m glad you found something special to keep you rooted for a while!! (And why haven’t we heard about it yet? :P)
You’re so right that the same issues follow us no matter where we go. I think a part of my issue is that I don’t know what I’m passionate about in life, because it definitely wasn’t my old job. And I never did anything else to discover other passions. Now, with blogging/writing, I like it, but I don’t know if it’s the path for me either because I don’t think I’m business-minded enough to make a living out of it. Sigh. I am looking forward to seeing what difference another year makes though!!
I feel this same way, a loss of purpose in life, right now even though I do have a job. I don’t feel like I’m contributing much at all in my day to day. What I do at work is not what I want to do in life (who really wants to push paperwork around?). It think its quite easy to have these same uncertainties anywhere in the world and at anytime in life. I think it is natural, but I do think eventually you’ll stumble upon something and it’ll just click. At least for awhile until that starts losing its appeal too.
So for awhile, for you it was all about the travel and life experiences and now that that has become a bit more normal, its easy to want to look for something more and different. I read this comic recently (of all things), that really just kind of put perspective on it all for me: http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2722 I think in the big scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter, but you’ll figure it out eventually? Enjoy what you can of it for now and you’ll find something to be passionate about soon enough.
Wow, thanks for sharing that comic! I’m now feeling one half crazy inspired, and one half scared out of my mind, haha.
Oooh I love that comic! Best thing I read today! Looks like I already spent 2 lifetimes, haha! But I have 9 more to do possibly 9 awesome things with my life. Thanks for sharing it. :D
Perhaps we only truly find purpose when we find our passion and somehow marry that with making a living (because whoever said that you don’t need money is BS). Because I wasn’t happy with my job either even though I was making good money. I couldn’t imagine doing it for the rest of my life. And then I thought life was about being happy and living it to the fullest, but now I feel loss of purpose without doing *something* useful. I don’t think blogging is losing its appeal, but rather that because of the doing-nothing-ness, I’m more unmotivated in general. I really want to make it a point to stick to this blogging thing though (whether I eventually make money or not) because I don’t want to be a quitter!
This is such a great post! I can’t even begin to describe how much this accurately describes my current life. I took the plunge 4 years ago to move overseas with my partner for his job. It’s been 4 amazing years of exploring, relocating and navigating expat life in 4 very different countries. Even though all my life, all I wanted was to explore the world, I can’t seem to shake off those feelings of not doing enough, not contributing enough and not having enough purpose in my own life.
I’ve been fortunate to get work in every country we’ve lived in, but a lot of the time that contribution doesn’t even break even – it’s more for my sanity and to keep me busy. I’ve loved every minute of our life abroad as I honestly couldn’t imagine myself staying put at home and I’ve grown so much more than I probably would have at home, but I understand when you talk about finding that bigger purpose.
I’ve struggled over the past year with what I’m actually doing and what I want to be doing (which I’m still figuring out!), but I do know that I’m happiest when exploring. I just need to work out how to marry exploring with a greater purpose! Travel isn’t always this easy, care-free lifestyle that’s portrayed, it’s hard and it gives you the time to reflect on yourself in ways that may not have been possible when living a ‘normal’ life at home.
Reading your honest and open posts seems to make it more OK for me to be feeling what I’m feeling, knowing there are others who are going through the same thing!
Hi Kasia! Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to share your story with me!!
I feel exactly the same way! I love our life abroad now, and I can’t ever imagine going back home to a normal life. I can’t believe I’m actually exploring the world now. But I also feel like more and more, I have no purpose of my own, while my bf works (and he’s very passionate about his work). I also don’t know what it is that I want to be doing anymore.
We’re not staying long enough in countries yet for me to start looking for work. But I hope to one day slow down and stay in a place for a while. How are you finding work in other countries? I don’t think I mind how *much* I’m making, but more so, like you said, to have something to do.
Oh man, that question “What do I want to be doing?” is a killer. It seems to go round and round in my head but never leads to any conclusions/realisations/motivations. My only way around it at the moment is to simply ignore it! :)
Working in other countries is amazing. My first couple of jobs were temporary and just a huge eye opener, a Nanny in one country and a PA in another. Both were great and taught me a lot about working with other cultures, values and peoples ways of doing things. The lessons I’ve learnt through working overseas, I think, help me get other jobs.
I think the suggestions of studying, learning new skills or even volunteering are great!
Oh wow! Even though the jobs are just temporary, they still sound amazing and like they taught you so much. But I totally understand how not having anything more permanent with potential for growth is so confusing. I have no answer for that myself, and tend to ignore it too.
When I wrote this, all these feelings I had were coming to a head. But I’m feeling a lot more motivated now since then. :) I’ve been making my blog prettier, and now I’m much more motivated to keep on writing!
Awesome post, Anna. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your honesty on this one! I went through very similar feelings last year. For the better part of 2014 I was jobless – and whilst I’d saved up a lot of money that saw me a ways through that period, ultimately I was dependent on my boyfriend. I agree with you completely – it’s an excruciatingly hard situation to deal with, even if your partner is 100% supportive in every way.
I was actually just thinking about your last question today! I really want to try and separate myself from the idea that job = purpose. Unless I magically become a thriving novelist or something equally wonderful, I just don’t see how that works for me. The thing is, work = purpose is so drummed into us that I don’t even really know how to expand my thinking to explore otherwise!
I feel you. I do have a lot of savings, so I am contributing to paying our bills for now, but the fact that I’m not earning anything is what makes me feel useless. Because I’m still not *doing* anything.
Oh I would love to be a novelist too! But it’s not like that I can think of a story to even write about. Sigh. I just know that even when I had a job, I didn’t feel complete because it wasn’t my passion. So I don’t think just having a job alone will give you purpose, but it does make people feel good and useful. I think ideally, everyone wants to somehow earn their livings from their passion.
I truly appreciate your honesty Anna, beautifully written post!
– Franca
Thanks so much for reading Franca! I always admire how purposeful you two are!
Even with a “respectable job” Anna, sometimes we can end up feeling this way. I had a month just after I qualified whilst I was looking for a new job – I found myself feeling at such a loss, I wasn’t travelling, the wedding was done, I wasn’t decorating the house, I wasn’t giving my time up for a good cause – I was just kind of sitting around baking some cakes, watching some TV and the worst bit was & all of a sudden after years of constantly being on the go, I just didn’t know what to do with myself and the whole time, I was grateful to have someone in my life who was supporting me. Don’t be too hard on yourself – I think you’ll find some way to feel more of a sense of purpose – I really think you could use your writing skills in some way, either as part of study or for income or something to that effect – not that you even need to do that if you don’t want to but it seems to be such a great asset that you have that there could be something in that…:)
I know what you mean about after years of working towards something, and when it’s done, you feel like you don’t know what to do with all the free time anymore. I felt that way too after I was done studying for my engineering license. I think it is much easier to handle when you know that there is something on the horizon for you. I’m glad you found it! And now still manage to travel so much even with a job!
I would like to use writing to do something… though I haven’t yet figured out how to make $ writing for myself. But I’m okay with not monetizing this blog for now because I like the friends I make and the way I can write about whatever I want to. :) I think some freelancing could be a good start though. I’m not sure if I really want to go down that path, but at least it’ll give me something else to do.
Yep, I understand. I spent three years traveling heavily, before I realized that it’s just not as fulfilling as it once was. Law of diminishing returns I guess. My husband and I moved overseas for his job which pays entirely well and allows us to travel. It was hard for me for awhile not being an equal financially but he honestly didn’t care at all. That said, I’ve worked my butt off harder than ever to become a photographer and have used this time in the most efficient way possible to pursue my dreams rather than settle for some mediocre job I hate. But what changed was me finding a career I’m passionate about and suddenly, so much meaning compensated for my constant urge to want to travel. I labeled myself as a traveler, because it’s what I did, and it’s what I had in life other than my family. Though it’s still a big part of my identity, it’s not the major thing anymore.
But I think when it comes to your blog, if you’re in it for business, you have to think of it as your full-time job, for it to become that.
http://www.thepassportlifestyle.com
Thanks for such an insightful comment, Stephanie! I think a big part of finding that purpose is when we can marry passion with a career. I’m so glad you finally found it! You’re a great photographer! I’m still trying to figure out what is even my passion and what I really want to do. I’m okay with not being equal financially, but more so that I want to feel like I’m working towards something too instead of just tagging along. D is super passionate about his job, and it’s hard being the one who’s just sitting there.
I’m not sure if I really want to monetize this blog and run it as a business. I mean, yes, I want a successful blog, but to me, “success” also means building an engaged community and friendships from around the world!
Hey girl, we’ve all been there, Sounds to me like you are ready to be a mama. Haha.
LOL! Definitely not! Sometimes, I don’t think I can even take care of myself, much less a fragile human life!
It is hard, when you’re so used to working and sticking to a tight schedule, and then all of a sudden you no longer need to answer to anyone but yourself. That awesome feeling would be overwhelming and make you lose all motivation to work hard. The fact that you feel the novelty has worn off and are worrying means you will start to find ways to work hard again, for yourself this time. Somehow I think you’ll be just fine.
Thanks CL! :) It is hard to motivate yourself to work hard when we’re not exactly scrambling to make ends meet. Maybe if we had like no money coming in at all, I’d be picking up any random work even if I don’t like it. Because now I’m giving myself time to find what it is that I really want to do and not settling for fulfilling work. But it is good to know that I am not happy either with just sitting by and let her bf take care of her. Now just to figure out how exactly to work for myself…. :)
I could have written this post.
I moved to Germany six months ago and my boyfriend has been supporting me the entire time. I didn’t think that I found any of my value in being a money-earning person…but apparently I do! I had the same thing where it was really hard to motivate myself to do anything (even fun things!) because I didn’t HAVE to do anything. Days became unbelievably long, and my boyfriend goes to work every day, so some days there wasn’t really any reason to get out of bed. It’s only the last couple of months that I’ve become much, much happier and productive and it’s because I started my own projects and I took on freelance writing work. It has nothing to do with the money; it’s just a purpose for my days. We need purpose! I’m about to leave for England tomorrow for an indefinite period of time to look for work and start living some semblance of the life I used to live.
It’s hard when you have everything someone else might consider a dream and it doesn’t quite complete you. I was really hard on myself about it, thinking I wasn’t grateful, but we’re just human — we have to have meaning for our life, even when that meaning is completely defined by us. I hope you find some purpose soon :)
I feel like we’re so similar (and I have told you that I absolutely love your blog, right?). I feel exactly the same way that it’s hard to get motivated to do even fun things. I thought there was something wrong with me that I’d rather just sit in bed than go out and explore a new city. But it all has to do with lack of motivation in general. I’m glad to know that I’m not alone! I’m so happy to hear that you’re much happier now. I’m going to start motivating myself to do all the things I do use to do, like regular blog posts, exercise, study new things, etc. And contributing to other blogs aside from just my own. I agree that it’s not so much as about the money but more about just having things to do! I honestly do feel a little better already in the couple of days since I wrote this.
Best of luck to you in England!! Are you going by myself or with your boyfriend? I will definitely be following your journey to find purpose. :)
Oh man, I had a minor breakdown right after law school when I was unemployed and living with my boyfriend in an apartment where I couldn’t even help with the rent. There was definitely a crying spell that repeatedly involved the words “I just feel like I have no purpose!” Bringing some income into the equation did somehow fix those issues (as weird as that is) but I don’t think that’s the right answer, because after over a year at my job, I’m pretty unfulfilled in other ways. I don’t know what the answer to finding purpose is, but your writing (which is beautiful) and trying to stay busy is a good start.
I definitely can feel you, Rachel! Since I published this, I’ve been thinking about what kind of work I want to do to bring in income, and I think you’re right that just having a job is not always the right answer. I should know because I wasn’t happy at my job either even though I made a good living. l’m not sure what I want to be doing still, but I think the first step is to fall back in love with blogging. :)
Yeah, I can totally relate! Lately I’ve really been struggling with feeling like what I’m doing in life is enough. I know that to an outsider, like all of my friends and family back home, my life seems so glamorous and exciting. I travel a lot, I’ve lived abroad for two years, and I’m usually either planning or doing something cool. And I get it, because I am really happy that I’ve been resourceful enough to make this happen.
But there’s another part of me, and she’s so critical. She’s always like, “Really, Anna? You’re getting certified to be an English teacher with no solid plans to teach professionally, moving to New York for a short-term nanny job, and all of your friends have been working for the same companies for 5+ years.”
So I absolutely relate to feeling a need for a greater purpose. And I’m still trying to find that myself. But I think we also need to examine why we feel like what we’re doing isn’t enough — because for me, I know that a lot of it isn’t situational. It’s just my damn inability to be truly content with myself.
Yes exactly! This traveling life seems so glamorous, but even traveling will loose its novelty without a clear purpose. Don’t be too hard on yourself! You’re doing something incredibly brave to travel around the world (solo!) and to find your own way to make that happen. Your friends may be moving up the career ladder… but are they happy? One of my resolutions this year is to not compare too much to others. :)
And yay! Another Anna! :) Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment!
I have felt that way when I have been travelling between jobs too. When travel becomes the norm sometimes it loses its excitement. Is there anything you would want to study while you travel? Maybe you guys could stop somewhere for a couple of months, putting down roots for a bit might bring back your wanderlust :)
I don’t think it’s loss of wanderlust… just feeling like I don’t like future plans/goals anymore. I wonder if staying put somewhere will make me even more anxious! Though that will give me an opportunity perhaps to look for work, volunteer, or study something local. For now, we’re moving about once every couple of weeks – 1 month, and maybe this moving around is keeping me busier, haha! A few people have suggested studying something, and I think it’s a good idea. :) In fact, I spent the last 2 days learning some basic design things for my blog, and felt the most accomplished I’ve felt in a long time!
Love the honesty and rawness of this post Anna. And I am 100% sure that you will find your way whether its soon or later on down the track. My jobs only importance is to provide me with the cash I need to see the world. It has no other purpose to me and to be honest, if I could just up sticks and quit right now I wouldn’t hesitate. Life is not work!
Thanks so much for reading Jen! The idea of job=purpose is confusing to me and I’m trying to ways to break away from that mindset. I’d like to think that I can find purpose even without $, but then again, like you said, having a job enables us to do the stuff you’re really passionate about, like travel!
Hey Anna,
I’ve been following you through your Facebook page for a while now (your food pictures make my tummy grumble!) but I’ve only just had the chance to actually check out your blog, and this is the first post that I read. Just wanted to say that I can really identify with what you’re saying. I wrote a similar post a few months back where I looked at whether travel had made me happier. I soon realised that being on an epic RTW journey doesn’t by default make you a happier person, and that I had to search within me to see why I seem to always be searching for something outside my circumstances to change in order for me to be happy.
I also didn’t want to seem ungrateful, but I had to write the post as it had a cathartic effect on me – and I’m sure you feel the same!
Maybe consider getting into full-time freelance writing? You obviously have a gift for it. It’s not an easy profession to get into, but it does bring in some cash and gives you incentive to get out of bed (well, on some days anyway ;-))
Hi Andrea! Thanks so much for coming by and saying hi! I followed through to your blog, and I remember stumbling on it a while back!! I will definitely be a regular reader now. :) I saw that you’re also in Saigon at the moment!!
I will tend to agree that it’s not particularly travel that makes me happy. I’ve never had dreams of being a long-term traveler. When we first started, I was SO happy because of the new freedom. But now I’m feeling like maybe I need to do something with useful too. Maybe just having freedom without purpose isn’t enough. I agree that happiness needs to come from within, once we find what it is that we really want out of life, or once we decide that we’re happy with the current situation!
I’m thinking about doing some freelancing (and thanks for the kind words!)… but it scares me too! I think for now, I’ll refocus my energy on to this blog again. :)
Hello :-)
Yeah, I struggled with having freedom without a purpose when I first became a freelancer. Yes, it’s great to be your own boss, but you quickly realise that if you don’t set yourself goals you start to feel like you’re just floating around a bit, taking on work here and there without a real purpose, so I know the feeling!
Let me know if you ever want to meet for a coffee!
Oh yes! We actually only have 2 more days here, so I hope you guys are free in the next couple of days. Let me privately email you!
Anyone who has taken an offramp to the workforce has faced these challenges at some point, whether it is to have a baby, deal with an illness, or being downsized. I imagine that you do actually work quite hard to build your blog. I know I do and I many times wish I didn’t have other job responsibilities but could spend more time doing this thing that I love. Don’t beat yourself up. Put your energy into doing and creating something, whether you get paid for it or not.
I do work hard to build this blog, but to be honest, I often question whether it’s something I really want to do for income someday. Right now, I don’t monetize it (and I still don’t know *how* to), and I’m OK with that for now. But on the other hand, it doesn’t make me feel useful that I spend so much time doing something that doesn’t help with our lives, you know? I guess at this point, I’m still unsure about what I want this blog to be. In the days since I wrote this, I have put my energy on creating little custom design elements for the blog, and I’ve loved that! :D
Hey Anna, I’ve read your post and could relate so much to your words. I was in a pretty much similar situation back a few years ago when I did thought that a decent job and a career is what makes my life complete. I did like what I do. A lot. But time passed and I realized that there are much more amazing things out there except for spending endless hours at the office (earning a decent salary)…I stayed with the same company, yet opted to work freelance for a lesser pay, but for more time. And I’ve realized there’s a huge bunch of things out there that make me truly happy. Small things like new hobbies, learning new things – languages, sports, taking cooking classes etc. And somewhere along the way of doing random things, talking to random people, traveling and doing various small jobs just for a try…I did find my passion and realized what I wanna do and how it can earn me a living :)
That would be my advice (sort of) – try doing different new things, here and there. Say, investing more time in your blog or learning design or whatever you feel like to. Just try and see how things go :) When you do what you truly love, eventually you find a way how to turn it into a living!
Hi Elena! Thanks so much for sharing your story! It’s so amazing that you’ve figured out how to make a living from your passion! I think that’s mostly everyone’s goal in life, hehe.
I like the idea of trying a bunch of new things. I’m still trying to figure out what exactly is my passion. I realize that I am so lucky to have all this time to do try different things and see what I like! I think learning new skills is a great idea because it’ll make me feel more productive. :)
Wow, such a deep and honest Article Anna, I will try and give you my thoughts and perspective. To me, everyone has a right to make their lives whatever they want, and to do as little or much as they want, I don’t feel that anyone owes society anything either. If you and D are both happy with your lifestyle and the role each person plays in the partnership then surely thats good. You have an amazing blog and you should be proud of the work you are doing through it
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Paul! I really am interested to know what others think! Your view is definitely different from most people’s! It is hard to break away from the viewpoint that we must have jobs and contribute to society. So I’m trying to find the value in myself in a different way!
And thank you so much for the supportive words about the blog! It means a lot to me. :)
You know I am kind of in the same spot. Only we have just returned from 14 months of travel. I was supposed to use that time away to figure out what I truly wanted to do in life. And I did. A little bit. I know that I don’t want to work 9-5 until I am 65. I knew that before, but now I know that it’s possible. Lots of people had the courage to jump, and I will too. But in the meantime, I am trying to figure out what the next few years will look like, while my husband works to support both of us. He is more than happy to do this for me, and for us. But I am struggling so much with not contributing financially. Its tough.
I know exactly what you mean!! I gave myself a certain amount of time to figure something out for myself. But I feel like the only thing I figured out so far is that I don’t want to go back to a traditional job. We have no plans yet to stop traveling, but I dread thinking about what happens if we stop. What to do then?? I feel like so many other people have found a way to work for themselves, so hopefully one day, I will too. I wish you the best of luck!
And thank you so much for coming by and commenting! I’m looking forward to checking out your blog!
Thanks Anna :) Nice to virtually meet you. I LOVE you blog, I spent a good amount of time here yesterday!
Thanks SO much!! That seriously made my day!! Your blog is awesome! You do such a good job at capturing all your adventures. And I love the name. :D
Wow, this is very well-written! It’s completely understandable what you’re feeling, no one wants to feel like a “free-loader” even though they know that the person who is supporting them isn’t bothered by it. I don’t think you should worry about it too much though because you’re still doing something. The way this industry works, you could get an offer become a paid writer for a magazine tomorrow. Just keep on working on your writing and what your passionate about and the money will eventually come in. You can always see if CopyPress is still doing their travel writing program (they pay pretty well!). Keep up the good work! :)
Thanks so much for reading, Clay! :) And thanks for the positive encouragement! I’m still trying to figure out what I’m passionate about (is it writing? I hope so..), but I’m sure I’ll either stick to writing or discover something new. :) I’m very impressed with the way that you’ve turned writing into a career for yourself!
Beautiful post! Even though I work full-time, I have this struggle with finding my purpose. I come back home after work sometimes and just wonder what my life purpose is! I’d like to think that if I were able to travel full time, I would be happy and find my purpose but deep down I know that will likely not be the case. I think part of it is learning to be content while still looking forward and working towards our goals. I’m still looking for that balance!
I thought too that once I quit my soul-sucking job and traveled full time, I’d be happy. And for a while, that was true and I thought that was the purpose of life. But now I see that I still need to do something and feel useful! I love how you put it… to be content with life as it is, while still working towards something! I hope that you find that balance. I completely understand how difficult it is to keep on working at an fulfilling job!
Thanks so much for reading, Bryna!
I’m so glad that you posted this very personal post. Based on the comments below, a lot of people relate to the search for a purpose in life. For a long time, I couldn’t believe that I had fallen into the traditional role of stay-at-home mom. When I was in my mid-20s, it certainly wasn’t how I pictured my life. I had a job with crap pay so that it didn’t make sense to pay for childcare, wear & tear on the car, etc and was logically better for me to just quit. My poor kid was 3 years old before I had the epiphany that I was just biding my time waiting for something BIG to happen. I spent 3 years not living in the moment and instead wistfully hoping for a more exciting, more purposeful life than wiping noses and bottoms. Once I accepted that this was simply my life, I felt a lot less stressed. Fast forward to when my youngest started school, and I again wondered about my purpose as a stay-at-home if all the kids were at school 7 hours a day. I really struggled with moving to Malaysia (this was 10 years after becoming a mom) and becoming a trailing spouse because I felt like I was going to once again put my search for a purpose on the back burner. I started my blog to update my friends and family about expat life in Malaysia and about our travels. The blog unexpectedly turned into my purpose. I have had some really heartfelt private messages from people who are scared about moving to Malaysia and then feeling much better about it after familiarizing themselves with the country via my blog. It’s unexpectedly led to freelance writing assignments, too, that have just dropped into my lap. What I’m trying to say, based on the 15.5 year summary of my life that I just gave you, is that 1) discovering your purpose may be just around the corner and may merely be an extension of what you are already doing; and 2) don’t spend so much time dreaming of the future that you neglect to live in the now.
Wow, THANK YOU for sharing your story!! This goes to show too that becoming a mom will also not magically fill in a hole or create a purpose (which, I know many people think that’s the case for women). It really needs to come from ourselves and for us to understand what we want out of life. I always go back and forth in my mind about whether blogging is something I see myself doing long term (and I admit it’s getting harder to justify the amount of time I spend on this hobby). But I really do like it, no matter how frustrating it is at times, and I can’t even imagine if I just traveled without blogging about it. Blogging at least gives me something to do, and receiving such heartfelt comments like this one makes me so happy, because I know that what I’m writing resonates with others! So I’d like to keep on going with it and make it my purpose. :)
I’m really really happy for you for the success of Malaysian Meanders and the opportunities you’ve had because of it!
What a great question. I think back to our RTW trip and no, I don’t think I NEEDED work to have a purpose. That said I need to write, in some way shape or form, whether for money or not.
I was the D in our relationship and currently I continue to be since we’ve come home and things have … not gone to plan. I never imagined it would take this long. I know how useless it makes him feel. I’m not sure if the fact that there’s no ultimate ‘dream job’ to work towards – he just isn’t one of those people – helps or hinders in this case.
I think I do need to keep on writing just to give myself something meaningful to do. But I’m still trying to get that motivation back. It’s hard to get it back once you’re sucked into a black hole of apathy!
I hope the best for you and your husband! I can only imagine how frustrating it is :(. I feel like I don’t know what my “dream job” is either… well, ideally, it’d be working with animals, but I don’t see that happening while traveling!
Thanks so much for coming by and taking the time to comment! I really appreciate it. :)
I am kind of … nothing without my job (I’m a workaholic and my job recently has been taking about 80-90 hrs per week), so I often feel the need to reclaim my life and identity outside of work. My blog has been a big part of it – just committing the “me” time to write and post something. Also walks out in nature – getting away from the desk, from the computer, and just “airing out” my head.
Oh yikes, 80-90 hours a week sounds like way too much time to be working! What do you do? But yeah it’s so important to have you own time outside of work! Walks out in nature sounds like something I need to do more often. :)
Thanks so much for coming by! Nice to meet another Anna. :)
Pleasure is all mine!
I work on communications strategy for a rather high-profile organization, and the last year has been rather busy, with Russia in the spotlight and all. I am very much looking forward to a weekend of walks and blogging – till I get one of THOSE phonecalls at least ;-)
Ooh sounds so interesting! I hope you had a lovely weekend with zero work interruptions!
Wow I can totally relate to this. I am not feeling fulfilled in my job, and I often fantasize about quitting to go travel the world as though that will completely fill a void, but deep down I know I am just searching for a higher purpose and way to truly contribute to society. Don’t get me wrong, I love traveling and would jump at the chance, but I always feel as though I am searching, even when I am traveling. Thanks for writing such a truthful blog!
Hi Rachel! I’m so happy you stopped by! A lot of travel blogs talk about quitting their jobs to travel as if it solved all their problems. Maybe it does fill a void for people with incurable wanderlust, but that’s not me, and like you, I wish to have more of a purpose than just flitting from one place to another!
Traveling to new places and soaking up other cultures makes you a more well-rounded individual. Perspective gained from travel can help make you more socially conscious when you conduct business, and you can bring the lessons you learn abroad back to family and co-workers.
Kathy@Mapdestinations
This is my first time stopping by your blog and I’ve been reading through a little of your writing. I just HAD to comment on this one because I so understand every sentiment expressed here! And yet, at two separate times in my life. When I first got married, I quit my job and decided to take a break and not look for another one for a year. There were lots of factors, but in the end I went through a dark emotional season. I felt lonely home all day, I didn’t mind so much that my husband was financially providing for us, but I felt like he was actually contributing to society and I wasn’t. I wasn’t doing anything useful. Then, we started traveling and it’s been a different kind of lack of purpose. Just like you, I have LOVED traveling and count myself incredibly lucky, so it makes me a feel a little guilty to have doubts about it as a long-term lifestyle. I don’t compare myself to my husband anymore, because neither of us are working, just full-time travel, but now we commiserate together about how we didn’t expect to feel so untethered, almost lost, and actually a little bit disappointed (dare I say it?!) about this travel lifestyle. Anyway, travel is a journey and what I love about it is it’s not just a physical journey but we are also traveling towards a deeper understand of ourselves and our place in the world. I hope you keep on finding your purpose too!
Linda, thank you SO much for taking the time to leave a comment, and for sharing your story! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. I can relate so well too. It is so strange that we think we’d be so happy traveling, but then it can make you feel lost without structure or something useful to contribute to society. And I also understand how we feel guilty about feeling this way, when travel is such a dream to other people! I hope we both find our purposes, and I’m looking forward to checking out your blog as well! I’m always happy to connect with bloggers with similar views!
Omg so well written… i just wrote something similar to this! It’s a daily thought – what do I want to do with my life? How can I contribute financially? What can I create that is my own and that I’m proud of? How can I rebuild another career? I’m still figuring it out too! I can’t let go of my engineer identity because that’s who I was for so long and anything else is just seems lesser.
I commented on your post already, but yep, I know exactly what you mean! And another thing is that I feel like all I was was an engineer that I don’t really know how to build another career in another field (I’m not an entrepreneur at all!). I really would like something that’s my own (and not just helping D with his work) but I’m still figuring out what that thing could be!!
Even though I am fortunate enough to have work that I can do on the road – I still feel I am disconnected from the world at times. Travel is a dream lifestyle, but it definitely has drawbacks such as this.
Hey Fred! I can totally relate. I’ve been steadily working as a freelance writer since I wrote this post, but it’s still somewhat true. It feels good to make an income, but at the same time, I still don’t think it’s really the long term answer. But we never know what may happen in the future. :)
Wow, this post was exactly what I was looking for without even knowing it! My husband and I are 6 months into a 10 month trip and the excitement has worn off. It’s SO refreshing to hear someone talk honestly about travel not necessarily filling that hole in your life. I feel lost and even traveling has become a bit routine. I can definitely feel my motivation and general zest atrophying. The ‘quit your job travel and you’ll live happily ever after’ fantasy theme is all over the internet and I almost feel guilty for not feeling fulfilled. I am actually excited about getting back to the States and being more rooted! Looking for that career path that will be fulfilling and helpful too! Thank you for this post it has been an incredible relief to read and relate :)