I meant to publish this before my flight… but seeing how I have had half an hour of internet in the past 3 days…. here it is, a day late…
You’re probably reading this now as I sit on a flight somewhere over the Atlantic, on my way back to Southern California. The plan is to be back home for 3 weeks before flying to Southeast Asia on a one-way ticket… this time with no set return date in the books.
I’m still in a bit of disbelief that this Europe trip has ended, but a part of me is ready to be home for a while too. By this point, D and I are both absolutely exhausted and the idea of doing nothing sounds so, so good. And we’re grateful for 3 weeks of free accommodation (will be crashing at D’s parents’ place) and the luxury of laundry machines!
Ten months ago, when we were booking our flight for Europe, I was adamant that we get round-trip tickets, so that we can come home to somewhere warm and familiar after the long trip (surely we’d be homesick by then!). I thought returning home would be easy. And definitely joyful. But now as I’m only hours away from landing back on home soil, I feel apprehensive.
There’s the saying that “you can’t go home again.” I never really understood that because of course you can! Home will always be there waiting for you. There will always be loved ones waiting eagerly to see you again. Home will always be a place where you’re welcomed and loved
Home isn’t so much a physical place, as it is a place where you feel safe, warm, and loved.
Except it doesn’t exactly feel like that.
All I know is that going home after a stint of long term travel is not the same as after a vacation.
After a vacation, you return home and your friends and family can’t wait to hear about your trip. You come off the high of vacation-land and re-enter seamlessly back into the routine of life. Your own bed and pillow will feel amazing. Nothing will have changed.
But long term travel is different. And during the months that you’re away, strangers are making a life in your old house and everything is changing.
Maybe your family didn’t support you and you start to wonder if they ever will. As the months drag on, you start becoming more and more fearful that maybe you’ve lost them for good. And then before you know it, you’re on a homeward bound flight, faced with the realization that you no longer have a warm home to return to.
You fear that instead of coming back to hugs and laughter, it’s coming back to face a barrage of questions and tears. So maybe it’s easier to just not face it.
And you also worry that as time goes on, your friendships back home won’t be the same anymore. You worry that they’ll feel like they can’t relate to you anymore. You may feel like that you’re now a burden to your friends who have to rearrange their schedules to fit you in during the short window you’re back. Their lives have continued in your absence and now instead of “one of the group”, you’re slowly becoming an invader.
But really, who can blame them?? After all, you’re the one who left, and who will once again leave in a few short days.
And after all… weddings, birthdays, babies & other important events have happened, and you weren’t there for them. Your friends who meant the world to you… you gave them up for the world.
The pessimistic side of you wonders if anyone even gives a crap that you’re back. (Except for your mom, of course… which is pretty much mandatory.)
This long term travel thing… it’s a lonely business.
You’ve chosen a life that few understand, but many either disapprove or envy. For the ones who do understand, you’re still separated by oceans, months, or even years. You wonder who will be left at the end of it all?
I don’t mean to sound so melodramatic (and confession: this could entirely be the PMS talking), because I really am happier now than I ever thought was possible. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not grateful for being able to live this life. But this is also the reality of living such a life. You’re disconnected. You inadvertently alienate peple. And maybe, worst of all, you feel homeless.
So I guess all this to say… I’m going home and I’m nervous. And wish me luck.
Anyone else has ever felt this way? How did you deal with returning home after a long period of travel?
(P.S., I’m aware that I’ve only been traveling for 6 months and not 3 years. I guess I’m just feeling bittersweet about it because for once, I don’t know when the next homecoming will be. And also, I don’t know why I wrote this whole thing in 2nd person… when I really mean “me”.)
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Well you’re timing is right. After 5 years living and travelling from the UK I’m about to leave for good too. I feel and understand all your points. It scares me too.. I’m travelling solo for 8 months. That scares me too. I know I’ll be a mess when I leave, I just can’t quite believe it is all happening. Nice to hear these are all pretty ‘normal’ feeling I guess. Good luck for Asia. Bring on the sunshine and beaches!
I wish you the best of luck on your return to your homeland NZ!! I can imagine how hard it is to go back after 5 years. I can only imagine that you must be feeling 10-fold what I’m feeling. I honestly don’t have any advice to give on this subject, except for sympathizing. We’ll all figure it together!
Very moving Anna! I hope that you are welcomed with open arms and interest in your travel tales so that it can be a 3 weeks to rejuvenate and share your joyful experiences and hopefully not apprehension. Good luck for the next few weeks – sounds like you’ve seen more of Europe in these last few months than I have living here most of my life :)
Hehe I think that’s pretty common that we don’t really take the time to explore our backyard and would rather go to far away places. I haven’t seen a lot of the States at all (like, not even NYC yet!). Thanks so much Shikha for your well wishes!
I definitely feel ya. I know that I probably will decide to move back to the States one of these years and I know it’s going to be completely different and things are going to get really weird fast, which I’m not looking forward to. But if one can expect that things will be strange and that adjustment won’t be easy, at least returning home won’t come has a big shock to the system.
Good luck, safe travels, and just keep on being true to yourself. I’m sure you’ll be plotting the next trip in not too long.
It is so hard to go back after traveling for a long time! I think the hardest is when you fall out of touch with a loved one because they don’t understand your decision, or just the general distance you feel with everyone back home. If you do ever move back to the States, I hope your family and friends are there to happily welcome you back!
Going home after living in Ireland for three months was so hard….but I got used to it after a few weeks and settled back into the routine, although I did (and still do) daydream a lot about my travels. I think the worst thing was having all these amazing stories and experiences and no one at home really interested enough to listen…but that’s why we blog, right? ;)
Haha exactly!! And I figure the people back home who do care to know about your travel stories will read your blog regularly. So that way you won’t be boring them with all this travel talk when you’re back!
Six months is no length of time to scoff at!
I definitely agree with the thoughts in this post – after living in Russia for four years, sporadically traveling during that time, it’s hard to find something to call home once you’ve uprooted yourself so fully. Good or bad, that’s just how it goes.
I just figured that you consider Russia your home now. :P Definitely the longer and longer you travel, the harder it is to define where home is anymore. But truly I think home is where you have people who love and care about you, but the longer you’re away, the less of that you have. But like you said.. it’s just how it goes. Sigh.
Great post Anna!
I lived overseas for a few years and even though I wasn’t traveling the entire time, I can definitely relate to ‘coming home’ again. When I repatriated I felt like I no longer connected to my former/birth home. I just didn’t ‘fit’ there anymore. I ended up choosing a new city that matched my new found independence. I’m very happy but it takes a bit of adjustment. Travel changes you in so many ways.
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It really does! I’m so glad for you though that you found a place where you fit in more! It’s true that as you travel, you realize what kind of culture and values you want to be immersed in. We have about a dozen places we’d love to live in hehe.
I’m not even traveling long term. I’m just working somewhere 3 hours drive away from home, and I can hardly go home and stay for more than a week without feeling depressed. 6 months after I moved out to work, home no longer feels like home, it is just a place where mom and dad is and I have to visit and check on them every now and then..
I COMPLETELY know what you mean… I’ve always considered the house where my parents are as my “home” (even though I’ve lived an hour away from them ever since I was 18), and more and more, it’s now just where my parents are. Maybe one day, when my family can understand more, it’ll feel like home again. :)
I guess I should first say, Welcome Home? ;-) What a great and heartfelt post, Anna. I do wish you luck and I hope you get to relax and enjoy the comforts of home, family and friends while you’re here in SoCal. Just think of all the stories you get to share and I really hope some who were either envious or disapproved at least hear your adventures because it’s been fun to follow. I know some of these feelings after not going home the last three years of college awhile ago. Everyone did sort of move on but I grew too. And no, home never felt the same way again. Good luck!
Thanks Mary! We’re practically neighbors at this point ;). I know what you mean about home never feeling the same away again. I think, like what Hannah said above, one of the hardest things is that not a lot of people are dying to hear about your stories, lol. But it’s ok! I have just as much fun blogging about my adventures!
I did actually find reverse culture shock much much harder to deal with than the regular kind of culture shock, but you work through it eventually.
I disagree about letting people off the anecdote hook though. What’s the point in travelling if you cannot bend people’s ear about it later *whether they like it or not*. Make sure you carry a flash stick with 1000 photos on at all times for an impromtu slideshow.
HAHA!! I actually do have a flash stick with probably 5000 pictures, most of it unsorted. I feel bad for whoever asks to see pictures… mwhahahahaha….
I think that blogging has been a great way to share your story with those who are interested without boring to tears the ones who aren’t. Also, I feel that it’s important to remember that many of your friends have also had incredible life changes while you were gone, even though they might not involve travel. If you’re willing to hear them go on and on about new job, new baby, new marriage, new boyfriend, weight loss, sobriety, getting cancer, overcoming cancer, etc., then they should hopefully be willing to listen to your stories, too. Everyone thinks that their personal story is important. (OMG, sorry I sound so preachy.) Anyways, welcome home. Throw a big party, tell people to come if they can, and have your slideshow running in the background. You will go insane if you try to meet up with everyone individually.
No, you’re right. It’s a 2 way street and you have to want to hear about their life too. I think I’m pretty fair (I’m more of a listener anyway). But I also feel like just the general drifting apart is hardest. I do find a therapy in blogging about my stories, because I’m not that much of a talker to begin with. And I’m very grateful for the friends who do take the time to read, while I also know friends who don’t bother reading, lol.
Going home is the worst! I pretty much always don’t look forward to it regardless of how long I’ve been away. Returning home is strange because it seems like nothing has changed and yet everything has changed as well. I struggled with getting back into normal life and being able to relate to friends who were curious about my time away, but not so curious they want to talk about it. 3 weeks is a good time to be home. You get the comforts and none of the awkwardness of being permanently home.
I’m glad you relate!! It’s funny how we came back, and we are like “everything is still same”, but we can feel a difference in the way we view things now. But for now, we’re happy to be back to enjoy some comforts and foods and seeing some people. But we’re also already looking forward to flying to SEA!
I’ve totally felt this way!! Travel changes you, especially long-term travel, and you never really know in what ways until you go home to the previously familiar and it’s all so… different. I think the term reverse culture shock applies in these instances. The good news, you will adjust. It usually took me about 2 months to fully adjust to life back in Florida when I would come home from Paris for the summers, and about 2 months to get fully back in the swing of things upon returning to France. I am a long-term one-way ticket buyer. My ticket to New Zealand is one way – I have trouble predicting where I will be and where I will want to go en route back home, so I can’t commit to a return ticket usually. Freaks me out to plan that far in advance lol. I did write a post about this though – called the On Being An Ex-Expat. Here’s the link if you care to read: http://www.creatricemondial.com/2014/03/07/ex-expat/
Hehe I guess it’s good that we’re only here for 3 weeks, so we won’t really have time to fully adjust back. Yeah, it freaks me out too to plan so far in advance! But my boyfriend is a planner kind of guy so I usually have to compromise and plans out the route of our travels months in advance. We both decided though that this time, we’re going to fly to SEA on a one-way ticket and just return home when we feel like it (even though we are still planning the stops).
Gonna go check out your post now!! :D
I hope your homecoming went well, but I can totally relate to it! And this post also speaks to something that I’ve been coming to terms with as an adult: that there are trade-offs in every decision, even the great ones that result in happiness. I think a lot of times, on the surface, a nomadic lifestyle seems so exciting — and it is! But there are things you trade to be able to do it… sometimes it’s those family events, that feeling of home, the community ties, and quite simply: physical stuff. But the people who are clinging to those things give up some of the things that you are able to do, too… that sense of adventure and wonder, living in the moment and trying new things, doing something you are absolutely passionate about. Again, not all of these are mutually exclusive but sometimes you can’t have both all at once. What I admire about you is that you are still strong in your decision. I used to think that if I wasn’t 100% happy all the time with something, I made the wrong decision. But sometimes you need breaks or sometimes it’s okay to admit that the other side of the fence looks just a little greener — even if it’s for 5 minutes. (Also, don’t get me wrong: I don’t feel like you are saying anything negative about your lifestyle or even that you are doubting it… just kind of sharing some thoughts it’s inspiring in me!) Anyway, interested in seeing what it’s like for you guys back home! :)
You are so right that most of the hardest decisions relating to finding our own happiness will result in trade-offs. For me, I traded my financial security, my pension plans, my beloved pets, and my family’s support. Some of the things, while nice to have, I could live without (like a pension plan), but it’s hard to not have my family anymore. Of course I wish they could all support me, but I am also so, so much more happy personally now that I’m living life on my terms. And I absolutely don’t think it was the wrong decision (even though I did have my doubts before). Thanks so much for the comment, Erika! It really means a lot to me!